Will I Stay or Will I Go?

[DanaC]

The word torture seems rather apt. They are subjecting you to a form of prolonged torment. It's ridiculously unfair.

I don't know how, other than by some supreme act of will, but you have to find a way to decouple your emotional state from your workplace. You feel it deep, because you care. You care about doing a good job and you care what your employers think of you. This is normal and natural and it is unfair that it opens you up to such a horrible onslaught.

You cannot change them. From the sound of things there will be no moment of vindication, or even closure short of walking out of the building for the last time, which will happen sooner or later. For your own sanity, you have to learn not to care whilst you are there. Get your emotional armour in place, and helmet on for the duration. You are stone and steel and they cannot touch you. You are right and they are wrong, and their opinion of you matters less than nothing.

They don't deserve you. You sure as hell don't deserve them. This is a temporary situation. You may not have a date, but it is timebound. Whatever happens after that has to be better than this.

Don't try to figure out the whatifs right now. You're on a path. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other til you are presented with a crossroads. Then make your decisions accordingly.

Stop caring. Kill the hours you're there doing what you can in your job. Then leave it behind when you walk through the door. Whatever they have to say: let them say it. Words, just words. They're proved by their actions that their opinions of you and the work are ridiculous. Their words are meaningless because they are nothing.

The only power they have right now is whether or not they decide to fire you before you are in a position to deal with it. I doubt there's much you can do one way or another to influence that decision.

But you can deny them the effect of that power. That is something you have control over.