Foreplay, lets talk about it

[Undertoad]

She said I was too big down there and she was too small

*cough* unlikely. Not because one doubts your claims, but because procreation requires happy loving with a wide variety. Google for "vaginismus". Affects 2% of women.

[headsplice]

I'd be happy if I had to worry about the foreplay or not issue, so those of you with the 'problem,' rejoice!

[phillybilly]

And good for you for not having to worry about it.....

[Clodfobble]

She said I was too big down there and she was too small

I experienced this once with a boyfriend, and the guy wasn't terribly large--it was that he was too LONG. Basically kept bumping into my cervix, and I can tell you that hurts like a mofo. Try just slightly less deep penetration, and I bet the complaints stop immediately.

[justme]

"She said I was too big down there and she was too small and then complained I was taking too long to finish."

One of my friends divorced with her husband only because the sexual life with him was a nightmare. She had a lot of pain having sex with him. She visited a few doctors, but nothing was wrong. He was too big for her. Also, he didn’t want to admit it is a problem, and be gentle.

[Radar]

Actually I told her, "the more you do it, the less it hurts and the better it feels, so let's do lots of it" but she didn't buy it. She's new at it. I think things will be better if she just practices. But that's tough when you're 9,000 miles away for each other.

[justme]

"the more you do it, the less it hurts and the better it feels, so let's do lots of it"


That's wrong I mean, that doesn't help as you think. If she has no medical reasons to have a pain during the sex, BOTH of you have to work on the problem trying different positions etc.

[OnyxCougar]

She can practice with a "toy", starting with small ones and moving to larger width, if that's the issue, or longer length, etc. My gyno recommended this for me. That way, when you get back together, it won't hurt, and she isn't as .. um.. tense.

[blue]

Tee hee, good one!

[staceyv]

that's why i firmly believe in having sex before marriage- to make sure you're compatible in bed and you like it with that person. you have to take a car for a test drive before you buy it!

[Sun_Sparkz]

Originally posted by Radar
Actually I told her, "the more you do it, the less it hurts and the better it feels, so let's do lots of it" but she didn't buy it. She's new at it. I think things will be better if she just practices. But that's tough when you're 9,000 miles away for each other.

it might have something to do with her level of comfort during sex. which is completely different to being turned on. A woman can be really really turned on, with hours of foreplay and still be "tight" or "clenched up" internally because they might not feel comfortable for any reason (ppl can be like this and not even know that its happening)eg

with their body
with the sex
performance anxiety
with you (yes, even though your married)
nervous about the penetration
it may have only hurt once and the anticipation of it hurting again makes the internal walls tense up.

this can cause real pain, usually it starts off ok and starts hurting about 3 mins into the actual act, after that you would pay for him to stop!

the best thing for this can be just spending time not only trying to turn your wife on, but also trying to make her relax and feel safe and comfortable as well, and if you think it hurts her STOP, eventually she will mould to you and become much more comfortable and things will be better for both of you.

[mrnoodle]

Technique is another possibility. There was one girl that I dated that loved a kind of side-to-side action during the act. Stirring the pot, so to speak. In my naivete, I figured every girl would like the same thing. Not so. The next girlfriend found pot-stirring painful, and wondered what the hell I was trying to do. She tried to tell me it was because I was too big, but that's just silly.

Reminds me of a throw-a-hot-dog-down-a-hallway moment I had in college. Intense makeout session, increasingly awesome foreplay, couldn't stand it anymore had to have it now.....then she's like, "are you in?"

As if. You coulda fit a Buick in there.

[Radar]

that's why i firmly believe in having sex before marriage- to make sure you're compatible in bed and you like it with that person. you have to take a car for a test drive before you buy it!

I used the test drive analogy with her, but she didn't get it. Her culture wouldn't allow it. And technique isn't the problem. I've got a lot of moves but she is very restrictive to one position. I try to back off a bit so I don't hurt her, but it's like that commercial where the boy asks the owl, "How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop?" and the owl licks it three times and then crunches it. I try to use half of it, but after awhile I can't take it anymore and start drilling for oil.

I've had a similar problem in the past with American girls, but in that case I wasn't "hurting" them so much, but I kept hitting something that would knock loose their period. I've had some girls say they weren't due for their period for another week or two but they started bleeding. I don't know if it's the shape, the length, etc. but it's been a pattern.

I think with my wife it was just that she was slightly nervous, new to sex, and eager to please, so she was tense. I've tried to get her to open up (not just physically) and relax. She just needs some practice and training.

I'm a giver. Even though it might take years of practice, I'm willing to do what it takes to help her train to be the chef in the kitchen and whore in the bedroom I've always wanted.

LOL @ "throw-a-hot-dog-down-a-hallway moment"

That reminds me of my first time having sex. I was 17 and she was 15 but she had been around the block...hell she had been around the town. I swear I almost tripped and fell into it.

[justme]

"I've had some girls say they weren't due for their period for another week or two but they started bleeding. I don't know if it's the shape, the length, etc. but it's been a pattern."

Well,you must be really big

[Radar]

I don't think so. I think I'm about average. I'm certainly not porn star material.