My visit to Derby

Undertoad · 06-17-2014, 04:59 PM

So my boss hands me his credit card and tells me to book my travel to Derby. The one in England. Rhymes with Terence Trent D'arby.

I feel like, as an adult, pulling this off seamlessly is somehow proof that I have my shit together. It isn't really. It's not an adventure. It's situation normal: in business, you fly to another continent, use different money and voltages. It's just part of what you might do for work.

These days you can get a passport quickly, from a big city Customs House. You need proof from your employer that you need to fly within two weeks. The letter saying so has to be on official letterhead. My employer faked a date within two weeks, and I was off to get a passport.

(So, appreciate this: you can get a passport fast, if you have a letterhead Word template. You should probably use a color printer to make it look more, like, real and expensive and stuff, but the clerk probably doesn't care.)

Then there had to be an official certifying of my birth by departments of whatever fuckin' records they keep on you in various county offices. It was actually important that the paper certificate had a raised seal, signifying that... someone had an embosser.

In this day and fuckin' age, we are still depending on pieces of paper. Now I'm not in favor of connecting all the IT systems of every government everywhere, but if they're going to employ someone to operate an embosser, surely they can employ someone to answer the phone, look up a record in a database, and tell the federales that Toad, first name Under, is not fibbing when he tells you although he had the misfortune of having been born, at least he got lucky and did so in the U S of goddamn A, which means he is a citizen, according to how they set things up here.

It turns out that you can't pay for your passport application with another person's credit card, even if it's the card of the employer who signed your letterhead document. So I had to pay cash. The price of a last-minute passport is $195. I had $200, all in twenties. They don't give out change, because of course that's simply not possible. Not possible. The Department of State can't operate cash drawers. What do you think they are, a retail operation?

So I paid $200. But after all that, the government checked my shit over and said it is OK for me to leave the country.

Suckers.

xoxoxoBruce · 06-17-2014, 05:10 PM

The big question is will they let you return?

I was lucky, after 9-11 the government required all defense contractors the verify all employees were wholesome good guys and not nogoodnik terrorists, by eyeballing an original birth certificate complete with embossed seal. Boeing said don't have one? Sign here, we'll get you one, eyeball it, and mail it to you. That made the passport thing much easier. Funny, I didn't need it for my first passport many years ago.

Big Sarge · 06-18-2014, 01:44 AM

Be careful on your trip. There are some mighty strange folks in England. I think it is the in-breeding or something from being stuck on that itty-bitty island

Griff · 06-18-2014, 05:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Undertoad

These days you can get a passport quickly, from a big city Customs House. You need proof from your employer that you need to fly within two weeks. The letter saying so has to be on official letterhead. My employer faked a date within two weeks, and I was off to get a passport.

(So, appreciate this: you can get a passport fast, if you have a letterhead Word template. You should probably use a color printer to make it look more, like, real and expensive and stuff, but the clerk probably doesn't care.)

Then there had to be an official certifying of my birth by departments of whatever fuckin' records they keep on you in various county offices. It was actually important that the paper certificate had a raised seal, signifying that... someone had an embosser.

Noted Al Q.

Clodfobble · 06-18-2014, 07:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Undertoad

The price of a last-minute passport is $195. I had $200, all in twenties. They don't give out change, because of course that's simply not possible. Not possible. The Department of State can't operate cash drawers. What do you think they are, a retail operation?

Had mine done at a post office somewhat recently. They wouldn't even let me pay with my own credit card. I was very lucky to have exactly $110 cash on me which was the fee to be sent to the passport office itself, and then they let me pay the post office fee (another $40) with my card. Also, I had to walk down the road to get my picture taken at Walgreens, because while the post office claimed to do photos, the woman told me it was "broken right now." I wish I could reproduce her face and tone to you now, but believe me when I tell you that it 100% said, "We both know I'm lying, and you can't do anything about it, bitch."

Passports are bullshit.

glatt · 06-18-2014, 08:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Clodfobble

Passports are bullshit.

I agree 100%.

When you go to the website that discusses the fees, and read between the lines, they admit that the fees are outrageous, but they explain that the high fees cover not only the passport but also the emergency services a tiny minority of US travelers need when traveling abroad. Seems like those services provided by US embassies should be part of the State Department's budget.

xoxoxoBruce · 06-18-2014, 08:14 AM

Pshaw, the state department budget barely covers the alcohol and drugs.

Spexxvet · 06-18-2014, 09:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by glatt

I agree 100%.

When you go to the website that discusses the fees, and read between the lines, they admit that the fees are outrageous, but they explain that the high fees cover not only the passport but also the emergency services a tiny minority of US travelers need when traveling abroad. Seems like those services provided by US embassies should be part of the State Department's budget.

Our overlords don't want the poor people getting out of the country. Their money needs to be spent in-house, so it will trickle up.

Beest · 06-18-2014, 09:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Big Sarge

Be careful on your trip. There are some mighty strange folks in England. I think it is the in-breeding or something from being stuck on that itty-bitty island

Don't worry they exported the weirdos to the colonies.

Gravdigr · 06-18-2014, 02:11 PM

Apparently, they're still doing it.

lumberjim · 06-19-2014, 09:33 AM

burn

Undertoad · 06-19-2014, 10:10 AM

Trip is still a while out and I can feel my nerves going on edge. My main concern is getting the social niceties right. I have to remember everyone's name and what their function is. I'm still an introvert at heart and it takes concentration.

I have a list of what to pack. I'm on Amazon comparing laptop backpacks. They're all high-end now, with TSA-friendly parts that claim it's easy to go through security. Right. My goal is to get away with only carry-on luggage.

And then there are all kinds of logistics. Should I get money before going over, or is there a chance Heathrow has ATMs with decent exchange rates? Or can I just use my boss's credit card for everything? Can I pay by card for the Underground? I guess I need currency for tipping, buying gum, and bribes for officials and police. Anything else?

glatt · 06-19-2014, 10:31 AM

When I went to England on vacation 2 years ago, I don't recall using any cash. Everything was done by credit card. There must have been some cash used, but I can't picture a single transaction. We got oyster cards for the tube and paid with Visa. My Starbucks card even worked in a Starbucks there.

Call your credit card company before you go to let them know you will be traveling, so they don't flag your charges as fraudulent and freeze your card.

Beest · 06-19-2014, 11:08 AM

I haven't been back in a long while, but unlike the antiquated American system UK cards have chips in them, a lot of small retailers my not accept the card if it doesn't have a chip, should be OK for places more used to travellers like Hotels I would have thought.

Cash is king, accepted everywhere, but pickpockets are much more prevalent than in the US

Where are you flying to, the Underground is only London?

Derby is on a major rail route, it would be fairly easy to get a train from London to Derby, but you would need to get across London fromt he airport to the train station, the tube is good for that, then a cab from the station.

Can you ask someone form the local office what they recommend, their HR for instance ?

Undertoad · 06-19-2014, 11:32 AM

Thanks for the hints!

Yes, the plan right now is to go Underground from Heathrow to King's Cross/St Pancras and then get an East Midlands train from there. They told me not to book a train in advance because I don't know how long airline/customs delays might be. I'll just buy a ticket for the next train out.

I've actually taken that train out of that station, many times. But it was 37 years ago and I'm told things may have changed since then.

Time passages
There's something back here that you left behind
Oh time passages
Buy me a ticket on the last train home tonight

06-17-2014, 04:59 PM	#1
Undertoad Radical Centrist Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Cottage of Prussia Posts: 31,423	My visit to Derby So my boss hands me his credit card and tells me to book my travel to Derby. The one in England. Rhymes with Terence Trent D'arby. I feel like, as an adult, pulling this off seamlessly is somehow proof that I have my shit together. It isn't really. It's not an adventure. It's situation normal: in business, you fly to another continent, use different money and voltages. It's just part of what you might do for work. These days you can get a passport quickly, from a big city Customs House. You need proof from your employer that you need to fly within two weeks. The letter saying so has to be on official letterhead. My employer faked a date within two weeks, and I was off to get a passport. (So, appreciate this: you can get a passport fast, if you have a letterhead Word template. You should probably use a color printer to make it look more, like, real and expensive and stuff, but the clerk probably doesn't care.) Then there had to be an official certifying of my birth by departments of whatever fuckin' records they keep on you in various county offices. It was actually important that the paper certificate had a raised seal, signifying that... someone had an embosser. In this day and fuckin' age, we are still depending on pieces of paper. Now I'm not in favor of connecting all the IT systems of every government everywhere, but if they're going to employ someone to operate an embosser, surely they can employ someone to answer the phone, look up a record in a database, and tell the federales that Toad, first name Under, is not fibbing when he tells you although he had the misfortune of having been born, at least he got lucky and did so in the U S of goddamn A, which means he is a citizen, according to how they set things up here. It turns out that you can't pay for your passport application with another person's credit card, even if it's the card of the employer who signed your letterhead document. So I had to pay cash. The price of a last-minute passport is $195. I had $200, all in twenties. They don't give out change, because of course that's simply not possible. Not possible. The Department of State can't operate cash drawers. What do you think they are, a retail operation? So I paid $200. But after all that, the government checked my shit over and said it is OK for me to leave the country. Suckers.

06-17-2014, 05:10 PM	#2
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	The big question is will they let you return? I was lucky, after 9-11 the government required all defense contractors the verify all employees were wholesome good guys and not nogoodnik terrorists, by eyeballing an original birth certificate complete with embossed seal. Boeing said don't have one? Sign here, we'll get you one, eyeball it, and mail it to you. That made the passport thing much easier. Funny, I didn't need it for my first passport many years ago. __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

06-18-2014, 01:44 AM	#3
Big Sarge Werepandas - lurking in your shadows Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: In the Deep South Posts: 3,408	Be careful on your trip. There are some mighty strange folks in England. I think it is the in-breeding or something from being stuck on that itty-bitty island __________________ Give a man a match, & he'll be warm for 20 seconds. But toss that man a white phosphorus grenade and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

06-18-2014, 08:14 AM	#7
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	Pshaw, the state department budget barely covers the alcohol and drugs. __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

06-18-2014, 02:11 PM	#10
Gravdigr The Un-Tuckian Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: South Central...KY that is Posts: 39,517	Apparently, they're still doing it. __________________ These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA, EPA, FBI, DEA, CDC, or FDIC. These statements are not intended to diagnose, cause, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. If you feel you have been harmed/offended by, or, disagree with any of the above statements or images, please feel free to fuck right off. Last edited by Gravdigr; 06-18-2014 at 02:11 PM. Reason: an upside down apost'rophe

06-19-2014, 09:33 AM	#11
lumberjim I can hear my ears Join Date: Oct 2003 Posts: 25,571	burn __________________ This body holding me reminds me of my own mortality Embrace this moment, remember We are eternal, all this pain is an illusion ~MJKeenan

06-19-2014, 10:10 AM	#12
Undertoad Radical Centrist Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Cottage of Prussia Posts: 31,423	Trip is still a while out and I can feel my nerves going on edge. My main concern is getting the social niceties right. I have to remember everyone's name and what their function is. I'm still an introvert at heart and it takes concentration. I have a list of what to pack. I'm on Amazon comparing laptop backpacks. They're all high-end now, with TSA-friendly parts that claim it's easy to go through security. Right. My goal is to get away with only carry-on luggage. And then there are all kinds of logistics. Should I get money before going over, or is there a chance Heathrow has ATMs with decent exchange rates? Or can I just use my boss's credit card for everything? Can I pay by card for the Underground? I guess I need currency for tipping, buying gum, and bribes for officials and police. Anything else?

06-19-2014, 10:31 AM	#13
glatt ™ Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Arlington, VA Posts: 27,717	When I went to England on vacation 2 years ago, I don't recall using any cash. Everything was done by credit card. There must have been some cash used, but I can't picture a single transaction. We got oyster cards for the tube and paid with Visa. My Starbucks card even worked in a Starbucks there. Call your credit card company before you go to let them know you will be traveling, so they don't flag your charges as fraudulent and freeze your card.

06-19-2014, 11:08 AM	#14
Beest Adapt and Survive Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Ann Arbor, Mi Posts: 957	I haven't been back in a long while, but unlike the antiquated American system UK cards have chips in them, a lot of small retailers my not accept the card if it doesn't have a chip, should be OK for places more used to travellers like Hotels I would have thought. Cash is king, accepted everywhere, but pickpockets are much more prevalent than in the US Where are you flying to, the Underground is only London? Derby is on a major rail route, it would be fairly easy to get a train from London to Derby, but you would need to get across London fromt he airport to the train station, the tube is good for that, then a cab from the station. Can you ask someone form the local office what they recommend, their HR for instance ?

06-19-2014, 11:32 AM	#15
Undertoad Radical Centrist Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Cottage of Prussia Posts: 31,423	Thanks for the hints! Yes, the plan right now is to go Underground from Heathrow to King's Cross/St Pancras and then get an East Midlands train from there. They told me not to book a train in advance because I don't know how long airline/customs delays might be. I'll just buy a ticket for the next train out. I've actually taken that train out of that station, many times. But it was 37 years ago and I'm told things may have changed since then. Time passages There's something back here that you left behind Oh time passages Buy me a ticket on the last train home tonight

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