Why are you cool?

[JeepNGeorge]

Black Bear Road

By Bill Fries & Chip Davis

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Me an' R.J. an' the kids was on a camp out in the mountains, an' we had us one a' them U-Drive-'Em Army Jeep cars which we had rented from a fella by the name a' Kuboske for thirty bucks a day, buy yer gas along the way, take a rabbit's foot, an' leave a pint a' blood for a deeposit

An' he'd 'splained it all to us how we's 'sposed to git to Telluride, which was fifty miles away by way of the regular highway, however there was a short-cut, BUT, unless we had drove the Black Bear Road before, we'd be, well, we'd be better off to stay in bed an' sleep late (now pay no 'ttention to the guitar there)

Well we took up off'n th' highway, an we come upon a sign sez "Black Bear Road - You Don't Have To Be Crazy To Drive This Road, But It Helps", I sez to, R.J. this must be the short cut road Kuboske's a talkin' about. She didn't pay no mind 'cause she's busy makin peanut butter sanwiches for the kids in the back seat, throwin' rocks, an' drinkin' KoolAid, an' playing "Count The License Plates On Cars", but they wasn't a havin' too much fun playin' Count The License Plates On Cars, well 'cause there wern't no other cars

Went about a mile an' a half, in about four hours, busted off the right front fender, an' tore a hole in the oil pan on a rock as big as a hall closet, went over a bump an' spilt the Kool-Aid, an' Roy Gene stuck his bolo knife right through the convertible top, an' the dog threw up all over the back seat (peanut butter don't agree with him see)

So we had to stop, an' take off the top, an' air everything out, an' clean it up. The dog run off, an' R.J. sez she felt her asthma comin' on. I's settin' there wonderin' what to do, when the en-tire scenic San-Gee-Juan U-Drive-'Em Army Jeep Car sank in the mud (at thirteen thousand feet above sea level!)

Well we shoveled it out, an' ate our lunch, the dog made a yellow hole in the snow, an' Roy Gene got out his Instamatic an' took a snapshot of it. Mary Elizabeth drawed a picture of the road. It looked like a whole bunch of Zs an' Ws all strung together, an' R.J. took one look at that picture, and said the only way she's goin' down that Jeep car road 'as over her dead body, an' then a rock slipped out from under the wheel, and the U-Drive-'Em Army Jeep Car, well it went right over, right over the edge of a cliff (Whah-Haa-Haa-Haa-Hoo-Hoo-Hoo)

Doggonit Roy Gene, when I tell ya to put a rock under the wheel, I mean ROCK, now look at that what you had there ain't no bigger then a grapefruit !