Humor...I Need Humor... - Page 175

Elspode · 04-23-2009, 10:59 PM

I wish I could talk Shaw into harvesting *my* wood.

Sheldonrs · 04-24-2009, 08:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Elspode

I wish I could talk Shaw into harvesting *my* wood.

Sort of a Shaw Wood Forest, huh?

robsterman1 · 04-28-2009, 11:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sheldonrs

Sort of a Shaw Wood Forest, huh?

Now THAT's quite an image!

capnhowdy · 04-23-2009, 08:56 PM

....oooohhhh.... she said hatchet.

Gravdigr · 04-24-2009, 01:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by capnhowdy

....oooohhhh.... she said hatchet.

Little Johnny walked in on his Mom in the shower. She saw that Johnny was staring at her vagina and said "Uh...that's where your father accidentally hit me with the hatchet."

Little Johnny said "Gee, he got ya right in the cunt didn't he?"

capnhowdy · 04-24-2009, 06:28 AM

Nirvana · 05-01-2009, 10:27 AM

A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an after work cocktail with her
girlfriends when Steven, a tall, exceptionally handsome, extremely sexy,
middle-aged man entered. He was so striking that the woman could not take
her eyes off him.

This seasoned yet playful heartthrob noticed her overly attentive stare
and walked directly toward her. (As any man would.) Before she could
offer her apologies for staring so rudely, he leaned over and whispered
to her, "I'll do anything, absolutely anything, that you want me to do,
no matter how kinky, for $20.00...

on one condition..."

Flabbergasted but intrigued, the woman asked what the condition was. The
man replied, "You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three
words."

The woman considered his proposition for a moment, and then slowly
removed a $20 bill from her purse, which she pressed into the man's hand
along with her address. She looked deeply and passionately into his
eyes, barely concealing her anticipation and excitement, and slowly and
meaningfully said....

"Clean my house."

anonymous · 05-05-2009, 08:08 PM

Make me feel like a REAL woman!

Ok, here. Iron my shirt.

classicman · 05-07-2009, 08:51 PM

Italian Arithmetic

An Italian workman wants a job, but the foreman doesn’t want to hire him, so he gives him a little math test.
"Here's your first question," the foreman said. "Without using numbers, represent the number 9."

"Withouta numbers?" the Italian says, "Oh, Datsa easy." and he proceeds to draw three trees.

"What's this?" the boss asks.

"Ave you gotta no brain? Stronzo! Tree and tree and tree makes a nine," says the Italian.

"Fair enough," says the boss. "Here's your second question. Use the same rules, but this time the number is 99."

The Italian stares into space for a while, then picks up the picture that he has just drawn and makes a smudge on each tree . "Ere yo u go."

The boss scratches his head and says, "How on earth do you get that to represent 99?"

"Mamma Mia you freakin Blinda! Eacha of da trees is a dirty now. So, it's dirty tree, and dirty tree, and dirty tree. Datsa a 99.."

The boss is getting worried that he's going to actually have to hire this Italian, so he says, "All right, last question. Same rules again, but represent the number 100."

The Italian stares into space some more, then he picks up the picture again and makes a little mark at the base of each tree and says, "Ere you go. One hundred."

The boss looks at the attempt. "You must be nuts if you think that represents a hundred!"

The Italian leans forward and points to the marks at the base of each tree and says, "A little doga come along and shita by eacha tree. So now you gota dirty tree and a turd, dirty tree and a turd, and dirty tree and a turd, data makea one hundred. So, whenna I start

Pie · 05-07-2009, 09:00 PM

Awesome!

Pie · 05-07-2009, 09:01 PM

A young reporter went to a retirement home to interview an aged but legendary explorer. The reporter asked the old man to tell him the most frightening experience he had ever had. The old explorer said, "Once I was hunting Bengal tigers in the jungles of India. I was on a narrow path and my faithful native gun bearer was behind me. Suddenly the largest tiger I have ever seen leaped onto the path in front of us. I turned to get my weapon only to find the native had fled. The tiger lept toward me with a mighty ROARRRR! I soiled myself."
The reporter said, "Under those circumstances anyone would have done the same."
The old explorer said, "No, not then -- just now when I went ''''ROARRRR!''''"

Madman · 05-08-2009, 12:57 PM

Clean my house?

Sheeee-it... What a dumb joke.

I would've done it for $10.

Trilby · 05-08-2009, 01:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Madman

Clean my house?

Sheeee-it...would've done it for $10.

C'mon over!

Madman · 05-08-2009, 01:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Madman

Clean my house?

Sheeee-it... What a dumb joke.

I would've done it for $10.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Brianna

C'mon over!

Can I bring my brother?

Sheldonrs · 05-08-2009, 01:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Madman

Can I bring my brother?

Please do!

04-23-2009, 10:59 PM	#1
Elspode When Do I Get Virtual Unreality? Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Raytown, Missouri Posts: 12,719	I wish I could talk Shaw into harvesting my wood. __________________ "To those of you who are wearing ties, I think my dad would appreciate it if you took them off." - Robert Moog

04-23-2009, 08:56 PM	#4
capnhowdy Blatantly Homosapien Join Date: Mar 2004 Posts: 6,200	....oooohhhh.... she said hatchet. __________________ Please type slowly. I can't read very fast............... and no holy water, please.

04-24-2009, 06:28 AM	#6
capnhowdy Blatantly Homosapien Join Date: Mar 2004 Posts: 6,200	__________________ Please type slowly. I can't read very fast............... and no holy water, please.

05-01-2009, 10:27 AM	#7
Nirvana Back in 10 Join Date: Aug 2008 Posts: 3,684	A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an after work cocktail with her girlfriends when Steven, a tall, exceptionally handsome, extremely sexy, middle-aged man entered. He was so striking that the woman could not take her eyes off him. This seasoned yet playful heartthrob noticed her overly attentive stare and walked directly toward her. (As any man would.) Before she could offer her apologies for staring so rudely, he leaned over and whispered to her, "I'll do anything, absolutely anything, that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $20.00... on one condition..." Flabbergasted but intrigued, the woman asked what the condition was. The man replied, "You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words." The woman considered his proposition for a moment, and then slowly removed a $20 bill from her purse, which she pressed into the man's hand along with her address. She looked deeply and passionately into his eyes, barely concealing her anticipation and excitement, and slowly and meaningfully said.... "Clean my house." __________________ Speaking simply... do not confuse this with having a simple mind.

05-07-2009, 08:51 PM	#9
classicman barely disguised asshole, keeper of all that is holy. Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 23,401	Italian Arithmetic An Italian workman wants a job, but the foreman doesn’t want to hire him, so he gives him a little math test. "Here's your first question," the foreman said. "Without using numbers, represent the number 9." "Withouta numbers?" the Italian says, "Oh, Datsa easy." and he proceeds to draw three trees. "What's this?" the boss asks. "Ave you gotta no brain? Stronzo! Tree and tree and tree makes a nine," says the Italian. "Fair enough," says the boss. "Here's your second question. Use the same rules, but this time the number is 99." The Italian stares into space for a while, then picks up the picture that he has just drawn and makes a smudge on each tree . "Ere yo u go." The boss scratches his head and says, "How on earth do you get that to represent 99?" "Mamma Mia you freakin Blinda! Eacha of da trees is a dirty now. So, it's dirty tree, and dirty tree, and dirty tree. Datsa a 99.." The boss is getting worried that he's going to actually have to hire this Italian, so he says, "All right, last question. Same rules again, but represent the number 100." The Italian stares into space some more, then he picks up the picture again and makes a little mark at the base of each tree and says, "Ere you go. One hundred." The boss looks at the attempt. "You must be nuts if you think that represents a hundred!" The Italian leans forward and points to the marks at the base of each tree and says, "A little doga come along and shita by eacha tree. So now you gota dirty tree and a turd, dirty tree and a turd, and dirty tree and a turd, data makea one hundred. So, whenna I start __________________ "like strapping a pillow on a bull in a china shop" Bullitt

05-05-2009, 08:08 PM	#8
anonymous Operations Operative Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: in hiding Posts: 578	Make me feel like a REAL woman! Ok, here. Iron my shirt.

05-07-2009, 09:00 PM	#10
Pie Gone and done Join Date: Sep 2001 Posts: 4,808	Awesome! __________________ per·son \ˈpər-sən\ (noun) - an ephemeral collection of small, irrational decisions The fun thing about evolution (and science in general) is that it happens whether you believe in it or not.

05-07-2009, 09:01 PM	#11
Pie Gone and done Join Date: Sep 2001 Posts: 4,808	A young reporter went to a retirement home to interview an aged but legendary explorer. The reporter asked the old man to tell him the most frightening experience he had ever had. The old explorer said, "Once I was hunting Bengal tigers in the jungles of India. I was on a narrow path and my faithful native gun bearer was behind me. Suddenly the largest tiger I have ever seen leaped onto the path in front of us. I turned to get my weapon only to find the native had fled. The tiger lept toward me with a mighty ROARRRR! I soiled myself." The reporter said, "Under those circumstances anyone would have done the same." The old explorer said, "No, not then -- just now when I went ''''ROARRRR!''''" __________________ per·son \ˈpər-sən\ (noun) - an ephemeral collection of small, irrational decisions The fun thing about evolution (and science in general) is that it happens whether you believe in it or not.

05-08-2009, 12:57 PM	#12
Madman has left the building. Join Date: Aug 2006 Posts: 455	Clean my house? Sheeee-it... What a dumb joke. I would've done it for $10.

Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)