The 24 hour engagement. - Page 2

ZenGum · 05-18-2009, 03:02 AM

I don't have much else to say, being pretty hopeless at relationships and understanding women and such. But I say this: your heart is NOT an idiot, and you were right and wise to ask her if it felt right to you.
There is much, much more regret in the things you never dared try, than in the things you tried that didn't work.

FWIW, my guess is, give her a week, and then call her, see if she wants to talk, see how it goes. Just my guess, though, that's roughly driving advice from a guy riding the bus.

Alluvial · 05-18-2009, 11:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by disenchanted

she took off the ring, handed it to me and said "I can't marry you, and we shouldn't see each other anymore."

I wish I had said this to my second husband. I married him even though a tiny voice in the back of my head kept saying "Don't do it!".

I'm sorry to hear that you've been thru this upsetting episode. I'm sure I'd feel the same way you are feeling today if it had happened to me. I think you are handling it wisely, from what you've said here.

As has been pointed out, it's difficult to know exactly what's going on withought knowing all the details, so I'm not going to pretend to have some awesome insight into what you should do. One thing, though: if (and that's a big IF) she's the kind of person who can change her mind suddenly, you might not want to be marrying her. I don't like surprises.

I do think Tiki is on to something - the lady might have been expecting a lighthearted, 'no pressure' weekend and got a proposal instead. She might have originally agreed out of the momentum of the moment - then later realized she should have declined.

Hang in there.

Pie · 05-18-2009, 01:09 PM

No, just "You're boring and shallow and you don't get me." :flounce off in a huff:

05-18-2009, 01:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pie

No, just "You're boring and shallow and you don't get me." :flounce off in a huff:

I didn't flounce off anywhere and I don't even own a huff. I'm just pointing out that Jim thinking I'm insane, especially based on the meager relationship advice I've given here, is a larger reflection on Jim than on me.

Pie · 05-18-2009, 01:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tiki

I didn't flounce off anywhere and I don't even own a huff. I'm just pointing out that Jim thinking I'm insane, especially based on the meager relationship advice I've given here, is a larger reflection on Jim than on me.

(Tiki, sorry if it didn't come through in my post, I was trying to poke fun at LJ, not at you.) :p

05-18-2009, 01:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pie

(Tiki, sorry if it didn't come through in my post, I was trying to poke fun at LJ, not at you.) :p

Thanks, hon.

lumberjim · 05-18-2009, 01:11 PM

well...i AM very mundane......everyone knows....no use pretending.

lumberjim · 05-18-2009, 01:19 PM

i wasnt basing it on this thread. and i dont REALLY think your crazy. you are a bit of a nutter though. you have to admit

05-18-2009, 01:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lumberjim

i wasnt basing it on this thread. and i dont REALLY think your crazy. you are a bit of a nutter though. you have to admit

I'm in the middle of a complicated divorce, Jim. Who isn't a bit of a nutter when they're under extreme emotional duress?

Nice of you to throw that at me at every possible opportunity, though.

lumberjim · 05-18-2009, 02:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pie

(Tiki, sorry if it didn't come through in my post, I was trying to poke fun at LJ, not at you.) :p

you wanna piece a me?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tiki

I'm in the middle of a complicated divorce, Jim. Who isn't a bit of a nutter when they're under extreme emotional duress?

Nice of you to throw that at me at every possible opportunity, though.

yeah...well...rub some dirt on your feelings, mary. and if anything, I've been holding back on the crazy chick shots.

05-18-2009, 02:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lumberjim

you wanna piece a me?

yeah...well...rub some dirt on your feelings, mary. and if anything, I've been holding back on the crazy chick shots.

Because clearly, you're a class act.

Pie · 05-18-2009, 03:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lumberjim

you wanna piece a me?

"You can't handle the truth!" Yeah, sorry jim. Not buying it.

lumberjim · 05-18-2009, 03:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pie

"You can't handle the truth!" Yeah, sorry jim. Not buying it.

not buying what?

!!have all the women in the world gone MAD!>:??

Undertoad · 05-18-2009, 01:35 PM

Everything said already seems correct, that she realized it wasn't right after the instinctive yes. Maybe then she decided that if she was going to give you a definite no, life together after that would be awkward, so a complete split is necessary. To go from instinctive yes to absolute no in 24 hours is a little weird.

Maybe she has a terrible secret that she thinks makes her un-marriage-worthy.

Old friend of mine was starting to think about marriage when he went to work a summer job at a hospital. They gave him a job working patient records. They asked him to learn the system, so to try it out, he puts his girlfriend's name in. It turned out that she had given birth a few years earlier at the hospital. It was her terrible secret, she gave the baby up for adoption, never revealed to anybody... including her boyfriend of 2 years. When he confronted her with it, she immediately never wanted to talk to him again, blocked his number, and called the hospital and had him fired.

phew

In any case, the best bet right now is a lot of long walks in the park, listening to deep music on your music player. In four weeks, no sooner, you get to write her a careful email just telling her what you life has been and asking what's been up in her life. No dwelling on feelings or suggestions of getting back together.

Also, in 11 days you are permitted to look lustily at that hottie at work. The one with the sun dress.

05-18-2009, 01:40 PM

Why is there not a hug smilie?

05-18-2009, 03:02 AM	#1
ZenGum Doctor Wtf Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Badelaide, Baustralia Posts: 12,861	I don't have much else to say, being pretty hopeless at relationships and understanding women and such. But I say this: your heart is NOT an idiot, and you were right and wise to ask her if it felt right to you. There is much, much more regret in the things you never dared try, than in the things you tried that didn't work. FWIW, my guess is, give her a week, and then call her, see if she wants to talk, see how it goes. Just my guess, though, that's roughly driving advice from a guy riding the bus. __________________ Shut up and hug. MoreThanPretty, Nov 5, 2008. Just because I'm nominally polite, does not make me a pussy. Sundae Girl.

05-18-2009, 01:09 PM	#3
Pie Gone and done Join Date: Sep 2001 Posts: 4,808	No, just "You're boring and shallow and you don't get me." :flounce off in a huff: __________________ per·son \ˈpər-sən\ (noun) - an ephemeral collection of small, irrational decisions The fun thing about evolution (and science in general) is that it happens whether you believe in it or not.

05-18-2009, 01:11 PM	#7
lumberjim I can hear my ears Join Date: Oct 2003 Posts: 25,571	well...i AM very mundane......everyone knows....no use pretending. __________________ This body holding me reminds me of my own mortality Embrace this moment, remember We are eternal, all this pain is an illusion ~MJKeenan

05-18-2009, 01:19 PM	#8
lumberjim I can hear my ears Join Date: Oct 2003 Posts: 25,571	i wasnt basing it on this thread. and i dont REALLY think your crazy. you are a bit of a nutter though. you have to admit __________________ This body holding me reminds me of my own mortality Embrace this moment, remember We are eternal, all this pain is an illusion ~MJKeenan

05-18-2009, 01:35 PM	#14
Undertoad Radical Centrist Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Cottage of Prussia Posts: 31,423	Everything said already seems correct, that she realized it wasn't right after the instinctive yes. Maybe then she decided that if she was going to give you a definite no, life together after that would be awkward, so a complete split is necessary. To go from instinctive yes to absolute no in 24 hours is a little weird. Maybe she has a terrible secret that she thinks makes her un-marriage-worthy. Old friend of mine was starting to think about marriage when he went to work a summer job at a hospital. They gave him a job working patient records. They asked him to learn the system, so to try it out, he puts his girlfriend's name in. It turned out that she had given birth a few years earlier at the hospital. It was her terrible secret, she gave the baby up for adoption, never revealed to anybody... including her boyfriend of 2 years. When he confronted her with it, she immediately never wanted to talk to him again, blocked his number, and called the hospital and had him fired. phew In any case, the best bet right now is a lot of long walks in the park, listening to deep music on your music player. In four weeks, no sooner, you get to write her a careful email just telling her what you life has been and asking what's been up in her life. No dwelling on feelings or suggestions of getting back together. Also, in 11 days you are permitted to look lustily at that hottie at work. The one with the sun dress.

05-18-2009, 01:40 PM	#15
Tiki Guest Posts: n/a	Why is there not a hug smilie?

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