The utterly pointless Chuck Norris thread - Page 4

capnhowdy · 09-22-2006, 06:37 PM

Chuck is the one who smoked and hid Jimmy Hoffa.

He also hired a plastic surgeon to make his mouth look like a mule's....just so he wouldn't be perfect.

Elspode · 09-22-2006, 09:26 PM

The New York Yankees will soon change their name to the New York Chuck Norisses.

Crimson Ghost · 09-22-2006, 09:49 PM

Chuck Norris' tears are the cure for cancer.
The only problem is Chuck Norris has never cried.

PS: Keith Richards farts dust.

Spexxvet · 09-23-2006, 08:27 AM

Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear for a pet. In winter, Chuck lets the bear hybernate in his rectum. "It makes me feel pregnant, and I get in touch with my feminine side".

Chuck Norris has a feminine side. It's 18 inches long.

On three occasions, Chuck Norris has inadvertantly killed a woman while having sex with her. Doctors have calculated that Chucks pelvic thrust is ten to fifteen times stronger than any other human being's pelvic thrust.

incommunicadocat · 09-23-2006, 09:08 AM

Chuck Norris ate the dingo's baby.

Hippikos · 09-23-2006, 09:47 AM

Chick Norris knows more than MaggieL and TW combined.

09-23-2006, 03:02 PM

Chuck Norris jump-started time with a round-house kick way back then.
Kieth Richards ducked.

vrai_rennx · 09-23-2006, 05:22 PM

So I didn't make these up, but they make me laugh:

Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, Chuck Norris invented every color. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.

There is no such thing as evolution. There's just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.

France saw an episode of Walker Texas Ranger and surrendered to Chuck Norris, just to be safe.

Undertoad · 09-23-2006, 06:16 PM

Chuck Norris disrespected Islam and nobody even shrugged.

Tonchi · 09-23-2006, 06:53 PM

Chuck Norris built the pyramids (but it is not true that he did it from sketches which Keith Richards made on a napkin).

The Sphynx is actually a portrait of Chuck Norris. But he got mad and had it covered up because Keith Richards kept pissing on it.

Tonchi · 09-23-2006, 07:01 PM

On the eighth day Chuck Norris said "Let there be MARICHIKO!!" And it came to be.

Beestie · 09-23-2006, 09:37 PM

So even God gets drunk on the weekend?

wolf · 09-24-2006, 08:51 PM

Yes, and Chuck Norris knows why the platypus looks like that.

Hippikos · 09-25-2006, 05:49 AM

Bush asked Chuck Norris to capture Osama bin-Laden. Norris refused politely saying: "this job is too easy".

09-25-2006, 11:55 AM

There used to be mountains, Chuck sneezed... now we have mesas.

09-22-2006, 06:37 PM	#46
capnhowdy Blatantly Homosapien Join Date: Mar 2004 Posts: 6,200	Chuck is the one who smoked and hid Jimmy Hoffa. He also hired a plastic surgeon to make his mouth look like a mule's....just so he wouldn't be perfect. __________________ Please type slowly. I can't read very fast............... and no holy water, please.

09-22-2006, 09:26 PM	#47
Elspode When Do I Get Virtual Unreality? Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Raytown, Missouri Posts: 12,719	The New York Yankees will soon change their name to the New York Chuck Norisses. __________________ "To those of you who are wearing ties, I think my dad would appreciate it if you took them off." - Robert Moog

09-22-2006, 09:49 PM	#48
Crimson Ghost Larger than life and twice as ugly. Join Date: Apr 2004 Posts: 5,264	Chuck Norris' tears are the cure for cancer. The only problem is Chuck Norris has never cried. PS: Keith Richards farts dust. __________________ We must all go through a rite of passage. It must be physical, it must be painful, and it must leave a mark. I have no knowledge of the events which you are describing, and if I did have knowledge of them, I would be unable to discuss them with you now or at any future period. Don't waste your time always searching for those wasted years

09-23-2006, 08:27 AM	#49
Spexxvet Makes some feel uncomfortable Join Date: Dec 2005 Posts: 10,346	Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear for a pet. In winter, Chuck lets the bear hybernate in his rectum. "It makes me feel pregnant, and I get in touch with my feminine side". Chuck Norris has a feminine side. It's 18 inches long. On three occasions, Chuck Norris has inadvertantly killed a woman while having sex with her. Doctors have calculated that Chucks pelvic thrust is ten to fifteen times stronger than any other human being's pelvic thrust. __________________ "I'm certainly free, nay compelled, to spread the gospel of Spex. " - xoxoxoBruce

09-23-2006, 09:08 AM	#50
incommunicadocat Roadie. Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: In fear and degradation. Posts: 39	Chuck Norris ate the dingo's baby. __________________

09-23-2006, 09:47 AM	#51
Hippikos Flocci Non Facio Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: In The Line Of Fire Posts: 571	Chick Norris knows more than MaggieL and TW combined. __________________ Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.

09-23-2006, 03:02 PM	#52
rkzenrage Guest Posts: n/a	Chuck Norris jump-started time with a round-house kick way back then. Kieth Richards ducked.

09-23-2006, 05:22 PM	#53
vrai_rennx Voix de Vérité Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: at the bottom of the sea Posts: 59	So I didn't make these up, but they make me laugh: Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, Chuck Norris invented every color. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink. There is no such thing as evolution. There's just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live. France saw an episode of Walker Texas Ranger and surrendered to Chuck Norris, just to be safe. __________________ ~les beaux esprits se rencontrent~

09-23-2006, 06:16 PM	#54
Undertoad Radical Centrist Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Cottage of Prussia Posts: 31,423	Chuck Norris disrespected Islam and nobody even shrugged.

09-23-2006, 06:53 PM	#55
Tonchi Victim of gravity Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Hiding in plain sight Posts: 1,412	Chuck Norris built the pyramids (but it is not true that he did it from sketches which Keith Richards made on a napkin). The Sphynx is actually a portrait of Chuck Norris. But he got mad and had it covered up because Keith Richards kept pissing on it. __________________ Everything you've ever heard about Fresno is true.

09-23-2006, 07:01 PM	#56
Tonchi Victim of gravity Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Hiding in plain sight Posts: 1,412	On the eighth day Chuck Norris said "Let there be MARICHIKO!!" And it came to be. __________________ Everything you've ever heard about Fresno is true.

09-23-2006, 09:37 PM	#57
Beestie -◊\|≡·∙■·∙≡\|◊- Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Parts unknown. Posts: 4,081	So even God gets drunk on the weekend? __________________ ♠ ♥ ♣ ♦

09-24-2006, 08:51 PM	#58
wolf lobber of scimitars Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Phila Burbs Posts: 20,774	Yes, and Chuck Norris knows why the platypus looks like that. __________________ wolf eht htiw og "Conspiracies are the norm, not the exception." --G. Edward Griffin The Creature from Jekyll Island High Priestess of the Church of the Whale Penis

09-25-2006, 05:49 AM	#59
Hippikos Flocci Non Facio Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: In The Line Of Fire Posts: 571	Bush asked Chuck Norris to capture Osama bin-Laden. Norris refused politely saying: "this job is too easy". __________________ Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.

09-25-2006, 11:55 AM	#60
rkzenrage Guest Posts: n/a	There used to be mountains, Chuck sneezed... now we have mesas.

Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)