Dear cellar, - Page 4

Flint · 07-23-2009, 04:55 PM

If you can't handle getting feedback, don't share stuff.

Aliantha · 07-23-2009, 05:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Flint

If you can't handle getting feedback, don't share stuff.

I don't think that's a fair statement.

There's been plenty of times when I've read something someone's said and have thought they've been making the wrong choices but have held my tongue (fingers) simply because it's not up to me to tell someone else they're being a knobhead, no matter how gently I might try to couch my words. There are a number of issues I feel very strongly about but which I rarely comment on simply out of respect for the other poster.

There is no need to be hurtful towards someone who's already hurting. It's as simple as that. If it's good enough for one, it's good enough for all. If not, this community is not the one it claims to be.

Flint · 07-23-2009, 05:11 PM

Basing your happiness on other's opinions isn't a good idea.

Aliantha · 07-23-2009, 05:12 PM

Being a smart arse isn't always helpful.

Aliantha · 07-23-2009, 05:16 PM

When someone shares something which is a struggle to them, they are open and vulnerable. People can either be aware of that or be arses about it.

Maybe it's different in the US, but I can tell you that over here, unless you're a very close confidant you have no right to tell someone else what to do unless they ask for your opinion. It's considered bad form and is generally unwelcome.

Flint · 07-23-2009, 05:24 PM

Okay, I call bullshit. Being "nice" to people isn't what is going to help them. Giving your honest feedback is more kind, in the long term, than looking the other way. And I preface all of the above with the understanding that what we are talking about are comments posted on a public forum--which is explicitly an invitation for feedback.

The "both ways" that can't be had is whining about your problems and then lashing out at people for having formed a context, and making observations based on that context. Crying out for help and then not liking the response you get. Whose fault is that, really?

And don't lecture me. Do they have something called "tough love" where you are from? Google it.

This is the most pointless thread I've ever posted in.

Sheldonrs · 07-23-2009, 05:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Flint

Basing your happiness on other's opinions isn't a good idea.

How about basing your opinions on other's happiness?

Aliantha · 07-23-2009, 05:38 PM

I agree it's pointless.

eta: What I'm telling you is not bullshit. It is simply different to the standards you live by.

Yes we have tough love, but it comes from those who actually do love us. Otherwise it's just criticism.

I'm not lecturing you. This is an open forum as you say. I happen to disagree with your stance in this case and I'm telling you why. I do realize you're not the only one who has the same opinion so these words are not just for you. If they were I'd put them in a PM which is where I think it would have been aproppriate for the issue which started this particular shitstorm to have been discussed. Not on an open forum.

If I thought one of my friends IRL was doing something stupid and felt I couldn't just sit by and watch any longer, I wouldn't go and sprout off my opinion in front of a crowd of people. I'd take them aside and say it quietly to them. My opinion in someone else's personal matters is not anyone else's business but that of the person involved unless they turn around and ask in front of everyone.

What right people have to criticize your actions is exactly why I personally do not share the shitty stuff with people online on an open forum. When you feel shitty already, you don't need someone dumping another load on in front of the masses.

That's all I have to say in this thread.

Flint · 07-23-2009, 05:39 PM

This is a public forum. It is, by definition, something that happens in front of the masses. That is it's purpose for existence.

Pico and ME · 07-23-2009, 05:45 PM

Quote:

When you feel shitty already, you don't need someone dumping another load on in front of the masses.

Its gonna happen, there are just those kind of people who will do it. And they are the kind that you just shut off when they do it. It matters not. It all has to be taken in stride here on the open interwebs.

TheMercenary · 07-23-2009, 08:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sundae Girl

Not by me - the implant keeps me on an even keel hormonally and I don't menstruate :p All my issues are purely emotional....

Not to worry, I don't masturbate anymore either.

:p

skysidhe · 07-28-2009, 11:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by monster

I'm mulling stuff, not dead. Ali, whatever you said, don't worry, I didn't actually read it.

You know, it's hard to take a break from the cellar when you have it set as your home page.

I'm going to mull some more, but seeing as I've still been letting it bother me all day, i don't think ignoring the cellar is working either.

In fact ok, I'm done mulling. Here's my problem -it's interfering in my real world. I'm a problem-solver type. (and extremely frugal). When someone posts that they have a certain problem and then offers evidence of problem-causing behaviour, it's hard for me to keep schtum. I do try -I try very hard. But some of you are very special to me -much more than a bunch of pixels on a monitor has any right to be. Beest will confirm that that particular issue has been bugging me in my real world for a while and so I sat and spent several hours trying to word what i needed to say in the best possible way. because it needed to stop being in my real world. But that didn't work, it's still there, just in a different format. I need to distance myself -yes it's about protecting me, not you lot- but I don't know how to do that. Maybe when i go on vacation there will be no internet and time will work it's magic. ch'yeah. OK I'm going away for a bit more. But probably not long. i should take up something less addictive. Like heroin.

From my observation you always say things in the spirit of fairness without any personal favoritism or bias. I might be wrong but I don't think so. It is the thing I respect about you.....oh and then your humor too. Great lady, great heart.

skysidhe · 07-28-2009, 11:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jinx

Honey?

My mouth is dry.

Honey. I'm thirsty.

Umm...

[ Water Runs ]

There you go. honey.

When I said
I was thirsty.

it doesn't mean
I want a glass of water.

It doesn't?

You're missing
the whole point

of me saying
I'm thirsty.

If I have a problem.
you're not supposed to solve it.

Men always make the mistake
of thinking

they can solve
a woman's problem.

It makes them feel
omnipotent.

Omnipotent?

Did you have
a bad dream?

It's a way
of controlling a woman.

Bringing them
a glass of water?

Yes.

I read it
in a magazine.

See. if I'm thirsty.

I don't want
a glass of water.

I want you
to sympathize.

I want you to say.

''Gloria. I. too.
know what it feels like to be thirsty.

I. too.
have had a dry mouth.''

I want you to
connect with me

through sharing
and understanding

the concept
of dry mouthedness.

I came back thinking I missed some finer point. lol ! funny

07-23-2009, 04:55 PM	#46
Flint Snowflake Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Dystopia Posts: 13,136	In 10 words or less: If you can't handle getting feedback, don't share stuff. __________________ **************** There's a level of facility that everyone needs to accomplish, and from there it's a matter of deciding for yourself how important ultra-facility is to your expression. ... I found, like Joseph Campbell said, if you just follow whatever gives you a little joy or excitement or awe, then you're on the right track. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Terry Bozzio**

07-23-2009, 05:11 PM	#48
Flint Snowflake Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Dystopia Posts: 13,136	In 10 words or less: Basing your happiness on other's opinions isn't a good idea. __________________ **************** There's a level of facility that everyone needs to accomplish, and from there it's a matter of deciding for yourself how important ultra-facility is to your expression. ... I found, like Joseph Campbell said, if you just follow whatever gives you a little joy or excitement or awe, then you're on the right track. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Terry Bozzio**

07-23-2009, 05:12 PM	#49
Aliantha trying hard to be a better person Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Brisbane, Australia Posts: 16,493	In ten words or less Being a smart arse isn't always helpful. __________________ Kind words are the music of the world. F. W. Faber

07-23-2009, 05:16 PM	#50
Aliantha trying hard to be a better person Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Brisbane, Australia Posts: 16,493	In more than 10 words When someone shares something which is a struggle to them, they are open and vulnerable. People can either be aware of that or be arses about it. Maybe it's different in the US, but I can tell you that over here, unless you're a very close confidant you have no right to tell someone else what to do unless they ask for your opinion. It's considered bad form and is generally unwelcome. __________________ Kind words are the music of the world. F. W. Faber

07-23-2009, 05:24 PM	#51
Flint Snowflake Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Dystopia Posts: 13,136	Okay, I call bullshit. Being "nice" to people isn't what is going to help them. Giving your honest feedback is more kind, in the long term, than looking the other way. And I preface all of the above with the understanding that what we are talking about are comments posted on a public forum--which is explicitly an invitation for feedback. The "both ways" that can't be had is whining about your problems and then lashing out at people for having formed a context, and making observations based on that context. Crying out for help and then not liking the response you get. Whose fault is that, really? And don't lecture me. Do they have something called "tough love" where you are from? Google it. This is the most pointless thread I've ever posted in. __________________ **************** There's a level of facility that everyone needs to accomplish, and from there it's a matter of deciding for yourself how important ultra-facility is to your expression. ... I found, like Joseph Campbell said, if you just follow whatever gives you a little joy or excitement or awe, then you're on the right track. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Terry Bozzio** Last edited by Flint; 07-23-2009 at 05:29 PM.

07-23-2009, 05:38 PM	#53
Aliantha trying hard to be a better person Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Brisbane, Australia Posts: 16,493	I agree it's pointless. eta: What I'm telling you is not bullshit. It is simply different to the standards you live by. Yes we have tough love, but it comes from those who actually do love us. Otherwise it's just criticism. I'm not lecturing you. This is an open forum as you say. I happen to disagree with your stance in this case and I'm telling you why. I do realize you're not the only one who has the same opinion so these words are not just for you. If they were I'd put them in a PM which is where I think it would have been aproppriate for the issue which started this particular shitstorm to have been discussed. Not on an open forum. If I thought one of my friends IRL was doing something stupid and felt I couldn't just sit by and watch any longer, I wouldn't go and sprout off my opinion in front of a crowd of people. I'd take them aside and say it quietly to them. My opinion in someone else's personal matters is not anyone else's business but that of the person involved unless they turn around and ask in front of everyone. What right people have to criticize your actions is exactly why I personally do not share the shitty stuff with people online on an open forum. When you feel shitty already, you don't need someone dumping another load on in front of the masses. That's all I have to say in this thread. __________________ Kind words are the music of the world. F. W. Faber

07-23-2009, 05:39 PM	#54
Flint Snowflake Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Dystopia Posts: 13,136	This is a public forum. It is, by definition, something that happens in front of the masses. That is it's purpose for existence. __________________ **************** There's a level of facility that everyone needs to accomplish, and from there it's a matter of deciding for yourself how important ultra-facility is to your expression. ... I found, like Joseph Campbell said, if you just follow whatever gives you a little joy or excitement or awe, then you're on the right track. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Terry Bozzio**

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