Why People Hate You...

[Trilby]

Have you ever wondered why someone----oh, let's just say a classmate; a much younger (20?) classmate---- might hate your guts even though you've never said or done or even given the stink eye to her?

Example #1) Asked by the prof how long such and such assignment would take we all answered different things. I said, "about two hours," and this chick goes, (complete with nasty sneer) "oh, you've GOT to be kidding! it would take me 45 min. tops!" I just looked at her kindly and said, "well, I'm slow."

Example #2) When asked if we cared to have class outdoors on a pretty day we were polled and I said, "Oh, either way is fine with me," and she piped up in a loud (she's always loud) voice, and with malice, said, "don't be such a WOMAN!"

there are more examples but the hell with them. What I don't understand is why this young woman hates me when she doesn't even know me at all. I do know she has a crush on the prof. I do not. I do know whe refuses to read her stuff in class---this is a creative writing class and she just WON'T read her stuff---too good or deep for us, i guess.

My question is this: what should I do? she really did make me kind of sad today as she yelled at me (again. and I wasn't even addressing her) and I wondered: what have I DONE? I am trying very, very hard to extend goodness, serenity, calm and compassion (I'm doing twice daily meditation tapes) and I am eating well and looking much better---all in all, feeling happy to have survived this year. So. The negativity thrown willy nilly at me with no basis bothers me.

Shall I completely ignore her? Squeeze myself down into a small marble and not share in class b/c she is a bully? (highly unlikely of me) or what?

[Urbane Guerrilla]

I'd step on her. She's informing you she's a bitch cockroach. Oh, and she can't write.

[Aliantha]

What goes around comes around. She'll get hers one day just like everyone else.

It's not going to make any difference to her if you do or don't participate, so I'd suggest not worrying about how someone with an irrational dislike treats you. I know I wouldn't.

Also, younger people are still finding their way in the world. I encountered very similar situations when I was a 30 something university student. I think most mature age students do. The younger kids feel threatened or that they know better than you how the world should work. Remember, you're encroaching on their territory. The domain of the young and beautiful. How dare you.

[jinx]

That's awful Brianna. I know exactly what you mean, there is a swimming instructor at my gym that hates my guts and I have no idea why. I never had any reason to notice her at all until she started giving me the stink eye and then intentionally smashing into me whenever we were in the same pool at the same time. I don't know what to do about her either....
Girls can be so mean.

[zippyt]

Not worth you time Bri ,
Your in a WHOLE different League ,
shes just jeullus !!!

[footfootfoot]

My current favorite is "Listen lady, I don't come around to where you work and slap the dick out of your mouth..."
(mr. show)

[lumberjim]

confront her calmly and ask her for her opinion on how you should handle the situation. If she doesn't back pedal and apologize, kick her in the cunt.

[xoxoxoBruce]

Maybe she has the impression you're flirting with the object of her affection. Maybe you are and don't even know it?

Just laugh at her, and say, "Kids say the darnedest things".
Kicking her in the cunt is optional.

[spudcon]

LJ always amazes me with his subtle philosophy.

[smoothmoniker]

holy crap, LJ, that's ... fantastic.

[classicman]

I agree with UG and LJ both!! - good lord - I better go now
::runs out of thread::

[skysidhe]

girls CAN be so mean. and I don't have any idea.

[lookout123]

Pure unadulterated jealousy. What you have there is someone who sees you in a way you are unwilling or unable to see yourself. She sees a woman with a beauty that she recognizes, but cannot comprehend. She doesn't know all the details but she knows that you've been dealt a difficult hand to play over the last couple years. She sees that you've responded not with bitterness, anger, and envy of those with an easier row to hoe. She sees in you a wealth of beauty and power she can only dream of having and loathes herself for her own perceived failings. The only logical response, of course, is to hate you and drag you down to where she is.

Give her a smile and some encouragement. It'll either encourage or enrage her. Either way you'll feel good about it.

[Sundae]

It's irrational Bri. She doesn't have to have a reason to dislike you, it's just one of those things. And because it's irrational there is nothing you can do.

However the fact she's making it known is proof she's a bitch with the morals of a weasel. I say carry on as you are on the surface - calm, peace, I'm-sure-you-didn't-mean-it-that-way replies. Like a good woman. Eventually she'll realise she's just showing herself up.

Of course in private (?) you can come on here and malign her. Then snigger inside you head next time you see her because a bunch of strangers worldwide advocate you getting your foot up her tuppence.

[DanaC]

I say listen to Lookout and LJ they've hit the nail on the head.

You probably intimidate the fuck out of her Bri. The fact that she won't read her stuff aloud is very telling. It speaks of a serious lack of confidence in what she is producing. She's getting all happy with herself because she can fly through an assignment in 45 mins? Dear God, is that a childlike approach to schoolwork or what?

When you said you took so much longer because you're slow.....what she heard was "I am much better and more serious about this than you." The fact that she decided to turn that into some kind of contest at all.....speaks volumes.

Bri, you are your professor's peer in a way she cannot be. He has the education and qualifications which you are still trying to attain, just like her, but you are his equal because you are a fully fledged adult. For this young lass, if she does have a crush on him, you are about as threatening an individual as she could encounter. I wouldn't be at all surprised if she didn't occassionally leave that class thinking "shit why did I say that?" having said something that made her seem even younger and more childish.

Girls are bitches. I know, I was one. These are girls, you are a woman. Just keep on doing what you do, being who you are. You know damn well that should you choose to let loose the darker side of yourself you could floor her with a well chosen and well timed put down, from which she would find it difficult to recover. Thing is...you are the adult. She's still a child. She sounds woefully immature for 20.

My advice, for what it's worth, is similar to the rest of the advice you've been given. Kill her with kindness. When she comes out with one of her snide bitchy little comments.....laugh like it's really funny....like she's made a goodhearted jest.

Keep in mind her age. 20 and lacking in confidence, hiding behind viciousness like an adolescent. You remember how it felt to be so unsure of yourself in the world. She is deserving of a little sympathy/pity and understanding. She may even grow up to be a decent lass one day.