Worst Movie Title Ever

Flint · 05-14-2008, 09:59 AM

I'm gonna have to go with Captain Corelli's Mandolin. I'm not 100% certain what this movie is about, but the title tells a stupid story.

I'll bet there's this tough, yet sensitive army captain, overseas, and he privately shares his delicate feelings via his stupid mandolin, with some dipshit underling who always remembers him, after he predictably dies leaving his stupid mandolin behind as a reminder to always treasure the precious things in life even under the worst circumstances. Or some equally stupid bullshit as that.

Anybody seen it? Am I right?

Oh, and the story is told via flashbacks. I'll bet.

Beest · 05-14-2008, 10:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Flint

I'm gonna have to go with Captain Corelli's Mandolin. I'm not 100% certain what this movie is about, but the title tells a stupid story.

I'll bet there's this tough, yet sensitive army captain, overseas, and he privately shares his delicate feelings via his stupid mandolin, with some dipshit underling who always remembers him, after he predictably dies leaving his stupid mandolin behind as a reminder to always treasure the precious things in life even under the worst circumstances. Or some equally stupid bullshit as that.

Anybody seen it? Am I right?

Oh, and the story is told via flashbacks. I'll bet.

Stars Nicolas Cage, that is all you need to know.

Kiss, Kiss, Bang, Bang
Not a porno, actually a good movie, stupid name.
Val Kilmer acts and is funny, who knew

Sheldonrs · 05-14-2008, 10:20 AM

For me, the worst movie title ever is "Sssssssssssssssssss".
It's about a man who loves snakes and does experiments turning humans into snakes and finally succeeds by turning his daughter's boyfriend into one. Word to the wise, when you turn people into snakes, lock up the mongoose!

SteveDallas · 05-14-2008, 10:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Flint

Anybody seen it? Am I right?

Well, there has to be a woman in there somewhere... either the Captain's estranged daughter, who comes to understand and forgive him for his absentee parenting, through her gradual discovery of the joy of mandolin music. Or his lover, pining away for him, her only memento of him being the precious mandolin.

Dingleschmutz · 05-14-2008, 11:34 AM

I've seen it. The only thing I vividly remember is Penelope Cruz's boobs, but if I recall, he was an Italian Captain who was stationed in Greece and had it in for ol' Penal-ope and showed her so by delivering wooden lines and playing the mandolin one night, writing a song that he named after her or some shit. They got separated after the war, he was apparently having second thoughts about shagging someone with armpit hair (which they showed in the movie, I didn't need to see that, especially when there were boobs on the screen) and didn't call, so years later he recorded Penal-ope's song and sent it to her on vinyl, assumingly in the hopes that she finally shaved her pits. I think that's more or less it.

Personally, I hold a grudge against movie titles from movies that star Jodie Foster or Ashley Judd. They're like the Sly Stallone or Arnie Schwarzeneggers of action chick flicks, and you can almost always figure out the plot without seeing the movie.

Shawnee123 · 05-14-2008, 12:03 PM

Is this a thread where we are to post what we think are the worst movie titles, or are we to critique this Mandolin movie?

If it's the former, I'll go with The English Patient (someone is English! Someone is a patient! Guaranteed to bore you from title to credits!)

If it's the latter, I haven't seen it.

Flint · 05-14-2008, 12:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shawnee123

Is this a thread where we are to post what we think are the worst movie titles, or are we to critique this Mandolin movie?

No, critique the Mandolin movie title. Or post bad movie titles. Or post movies of your titties.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shawnee123

If it's the former, I'll go with The English Patient (someone is English! Someone is a patient! Guaranteed to bore you from title to credits!)

I had the same problem with The Perfect Storm. A movie about some dudes on a boat who get caught in a a bad storm. Am I right? I'll bet you a million dollars. Sample dialogue: "One thing I can say about that storm, it was perfect." ... Hey, let's sit for two hours to see if Marky Mark lives.

Shawnee123 · 05-14-2008, 12:38 PM

Oooh, a clone thread: Worst Movie Titties Ever.

Not only was the storm perfect, it was a storm! Wow!

Dingleschmutz · 05-14-2008, 12:39 PM

Ahh, The Perfect Storm. I was wondering who would be the guy to spout off that phrase. I think it was the That Guy from Die Hard 1 and 2, the douchebag reporter.

Flint · 05-14-2008, 12:41 PM

It would've been funnier if the fat, black cop from Die Hard said it.

Sundae · 05-14-2008, 02:12 PM

Problem is, many of these bad movie titles are in fact book titles.
And the only damn thing that Hollywood keeps in tact when it plunders books is the title anyway.

Just wait til they make the film of my autobiography - Pinko Globe-Trotting Cunt-Kicker. We'll see how valuable my bestselling title is to them!

Dingleschmutz · 05-14-2008, 02:34 PM

Sometimes a titles so bad it's good though. Muthafuckin' Snakes on a Plane, anyone?

Flint · 05-14-2008, 02:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dingleschmutz

Sometimes a titles so bad it's good though.
Muthafuckin' Snakes on a Plane, anyone?

Shawnee123 · 05-14-2008, 03:04 PM

That's dead sexy. Speaking of dead...who would want a snakes on the plane tattoo to take to their grave. "Hey dude. i like the movie. It rocked. Here it is on my arm."

It's going to look real nice when his arm rug grows back in and he has hairy snakes on a plane.

classicman · 05-14-2008, 03:40 PM

@ S!@# (s123) again

05-14-2008, 09:59 AM	#1
Flint Snowflake Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Dystopia Posts: 13,136	Worst Movie Title Ever I'm gonna have to go with Captain Corelli's Mandolin. I'm not 100% certain what this movie is about, but the title tells a stupid story. I'll bet there's this tough, yet sensitive army captain, overseas, and he privately shares his delicate feelings via his stupid mandolin, with some dipshit underling who always remembers him, after he predictably dies leaving his stupid mandolin behind as a reminder to always treasure the precious things in life even under the worst circumstances. Or some equally stupid bullshit as that. Anybody seen it? Am I right? Oh, and the story is told via flashbacks. I'll bet. __________________ **************** There's a level of facility that everyone needs to accomplish, and from there it's a matter of deciding for yourself how important ultra-facility is to your expression. ... I found, like Joseph Campbell said, if you just follow whatever gives you a little joy or excitement or awe, then you're on the right track. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Terry Bozzio** Last edited by Flint; 05-14-2008 at 10:04 AM.

05-14-2008, 10:20 AM	#3
Sheldonrs Master Dwellar Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Los Angeles, CA Posts: 4,412	For me, the worst movie title ever is "Sssssssssssssssssss". It's about a man who loves snakes and does experiments turning humans into snakes and finally succeeds by turning his daughter's boyfriend into one. Word to the wise, when you turn people into snakes, lock up the mongoose! __________________ Laugh and the world laughs with you; cry and the world laughs AT you.

05-14-2008, 12:03 PM	#6
Shawnee123 Why, you're a regular Alfred E Einstein, ain't ya? Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 21,206	Is this a thread where we are to post what we think are the worst movie titles, or are we to critique this Mandolin movie? If it's the former, I'll go with The English Patient (someone is English! Someone is a patient! Guaranteed to bore you from title to credits!) If it's the latter, I haven't seen it. __________________ A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones who need the advice. --Bill Cosby

05-14-2008, 12:38 PM	#8
Shawnee123 Why, you're a regular Alfred E Einstein, ain't ya? Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 21,206	Oooh, a clone thread: Worst Movie Titties Ever. Not only was the storm perfect, it was a storm! Wow! __________________ A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones who need the advice. --Bill Cosby

05-14-2008, 12:41 PM	#10
Flint Snowflake Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Dystopia Posts: 13,136	It would've been funnier if the fat, black cop from Die Hard said it. __________________ **************** There's a level of facility that everyone needs to accomplish, and from there it's a matter of deciding for yourself how important ultra-facility is to your expression. ... I found, like Joseph Campbell said, if you just follow whatever gives you a little joy or excitement or awe, then you're on the right track. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Terry Bozzio**

05-14-2008, 11:34 AM	#5
Dingleschmutz is not a palindrome... Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Des Moines Posts: 341	I've seen it. The only thing I vividly remember is Penelope Cruz's boobs, but if I recall, he was an Italian Captain who was stationed in Greece and had it in for ol' Penal-ope and showed her so by delivering wooden lines and playing the mandolin one night, writing a song that he named after her or some shit. They got separated after the war, he was apparently having second thoughts about shagging someone with armpit hair (which they showed in the movie, I didn't need to see that, especially when there were boobs on the screen) and didn't call, so years later he recorded Penal-ope's song and sent it to her on vinyl, assumingly in the hopes that she finally shaved her pits. I think that's more or less it. Personally, I hold a grudge against movie titles from movies that star Jodie Foster or Ashley Judd. They're like the Sly Stallone or Arnie Schwarzeneggers of action chick flicks, and you can almost always figure out the plot without seeing the movie.

05-14-2008, 12:39 PM	#9
Dingleschmutz is not a palindrome... Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Des Moines Posts: 341	Ahh, The Perfect Storm. I was wondering who would be the guy to spout off that phrase. I think it was the That Guy from Die Hard 1 and 2, the douchebag reporter.

05-14-2008, 02:12 PM	#11
Sundae polaroid of perfection Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: West Yorkshire Posts: 24,185	Problem is, many of these bad movie titles are in fact book titles. And the only damn thing that Hollywood keeps in tact when it plunders books is the title anyway. Just wait til they make the film of my autobiography - Pinko Globe-Trotting Cunt-Kicker. We'll see how valuable my bestselling title is to them! __________________ Life's hard you know, so strike a pose on a Cadillac

05-14-2008, 02:34 PM	#12
Dingleschmutz is not a palindrome... Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Des Moines Posts: 341	Sometimes a titles so bad it's good though. Muthafuckin' Snakes on a Plane, anyone?

05-14-2008, 03:04 PM	#14
Shawnee123 Why, you're a regular Alfred E Einstein, ain't ya? Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 21,206	That's dead sexy. Speaking of dead...who would want a snakes on the plane tattoo to take to their grave. "Hey dude. i like the movie. It rocked. Here it is on my arm." It's going to look real nice when his arm rug grows back in and he has hairy snakes on a plane. __________________ A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones who need the advice. --Bill Cosby

05-14-2008, 03:40 PM	#15
classicman barely disguised asshole, keeper of all that is holy. Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 23,401	@ S!@# (s123) again __________________ "like strapping a pillow on a bull in a china shop" Bullitt

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