Remembering the Details

[Chocolatl]

***Shameless self promotion!***

As a way of helping myself to remember my thoughts and feelings about motherhood, I've been writing a blog over on Blogger. (I hate to call it a "mommy blog," but... that's what it is.)

If you're interested, this link is to my most recent post.

Beans' birth story can be found here.

[BigV]

You could put the link in your signature, a la Clodfobble.

[BigV]

screw that. I'm gonna put it in *my* signature. What a great story! Thank you.

[Chocolatl]

Thanks, V. I hadn't thought of the sig line -- I'll do that.

[Chocolatl]

New post: Crazy.

"I just wish we, as a culture, had a better way of honoring the move from non-parent to parent. You know -- like a bachelorette party before you get married? Because for all the wonders that a new life brings, there's a deep grief for the selves we have to bury in order to become parents. Our lives change drastically, yet it seems that the only recognition our culture gives is "Haha, now you have to clean up someone else's poop. " That morning in August was a birthday for not one but two people -- a baby and her mother. And a part of me had to go to make room for these two new lives."

[Nirvana]

Chocolatl you don't need a party or recognition because you already got the best present ever!

[Chocolatl]

What I was trying to say is that while becoming a parent is an amazing rebirth, we don't have a way to grieve the person that dies in that process. We get so focused on the arrival of a child, that we never really have a chance to say goodbye to "single" version of ourselves, which I think is important as the switch to parenthood is dramatic and irreversible, and that younger version of ourselves is never coming back.

Not sure if I'm making my meaning clear... 2 am here and pretty sleep deprived!

[Clodfobble]

I get what you're saying. I think one problem is that most celebrations, even the grieving ones, involve drinking, which leaves the pregnant woman out of her own party. Also, most parents-to-be are in denial about the death of their singlehood--they tell themselves that they're going to be the "cool" ones, they're not going to have to sacrifice anything, they'll still socialize and stay close with all their single friends... it's not until it's too late that you suddenly realize that person died months ago.

[Sundae]

Far better to work with children than have them, I tell you.
You get massive benefits from working with young minds. They are a joy to be around.
Then at 15.15 it's all bye-bye, off you go, see you tomorrow

Keep writing Choc.
Even this place, random as it is, keeps my history for me.

[glatt]

Yeah, I'm so far away in time from the new parent thing, I can't really remember the details, other than a memory of being overwhelmed and stressed and nervous and sleep deprived. I can't really remember what I did on a typical weekend before kids. Except sleep really late.

Every parent's journey is different, but in my experience, it gets a hell of a lot better. For Christmas this past year, we told the kids they couldn't wake us up before 7am, and not only did they obey, but they brought us coffee in bed! You can't imagine it right now Choc, but Bean will bring you coffee in bed some day. It's on you to teach him how to use the coffee maker though.

[BigV]

Psssst she's a girl bean not a boy bean

[infinite monkey]

Originally Posted by BigV

Psssst she's a girl bean not a boy bean

She's a human bean, dammit. Why must you segregate and put people into your convenient little compartments?

[Chocolatl]

I used to make my parents coffee all the time when I was a kid (they drank the instant stuff, so it was easy). They always told me it tasted better when I made it, and I was so proud! Just recently I finally realized that was probably just a ploy to get me to bring them coffee in bed.

[glatt]

Originally Posted by Chocolatl

Just recently I finally realized that was probably just a ploy to get me to bring them coffee in bed.

And they loved it! They were proud of you, and you were proud of yourself.

And sorry for forgetting Bean's a girl.

[Sundae]

Meanie non-parent chipping in here. Ignore if offensive.

I am staggered by the amount of parents who complain about their childer waking them up on Christmas morning!

We were told we could not get up until 07.00. We had an alarm clock in our room for that very purpose.
Even as littlies we were able to work out how many minutes were in an hour and whisper/ giggle them, thus taking up more seconds.

We weren't perfect. I remember one year going to the toilet at about 06.40 and bring back a present from the sack at the bottom of the bed. I squeezed it and shook it and sniffed it etc. My beautifully behaved sister was nearly in tears at my disobedience, and I didn't want to make her cry so I put it back.

Yes, we shared a bed on Christmas Eve. In Steven's room (the room I now sleep in) because he was in with Mum and Dad; Nanny and Grandad were in our room (where I am typing from) and Aunty Alice was on the Z Bed in the lounge.

Establish rules when they are young.