As of right now, you are officially divorced...

[perth]

So I've had half a year to get ready to hear it, but it was still strange and a little bit sad to hear it. The divorce was entirely uncontested, and we did (I think) a great job of splitting things out equally. I'm proud of the fact that Case and I were able to sit and have a smoke together outside the courthouse afterwards. I'm glad that I can still count her as a friend.

I guess this is me eulogizing the relationship. When it was good, it was really good. And when it was bad, well, it could have been worse. I want to thank everyone here who provided advice and support to both Case and I through it all. This place is full of great people and I'm thankful we found it.

So I'm not really sure if I should be relieved, sad, happy or apprehensive. Probably a little bit of each. But one thing is for damn sure. I need a beer.

[Roosta]

If you have a beer, have one for me!

[Elspode]

I remember when my divorce was final. We'd been separated for almost four years, so it was pretty much just a paperwork formality, but it still brought forth an upwelling of difficult emotions and bittersweet memories.

Therefore, I think a pseudo-Hallmark card is in order. Picture a lavishly textured paper, fray-cut at the edge like the finest linen stock. On the cover is the most beautiful sunset you've ever seen, and the words "Wishing You Nothing but Happiness" on the cover. Now, open your card, and read this verse:


"The road was long, and filled with bumps
But you were tough and took your lumps
The hell with that, now...off your knees!
Its time to catch up on postponed sleaze!"


Seriously, my condolences on what has been lost, and my encouragements to both of you for the future and all it holds.

[perth]

That has got to be the first time I grinned stupidly at that emoticon.

[Clodfobble]

Just wanted to say I'm really, really happy you guys did it amicably. My parents' divorce was not an emotional event at all for us kids because they were so friendly about the whole thing.

I later found out that it had all been a very well-performed act, and in fact there had been a lot of nastiness that we hadn't been exposed to. Even 13 years after the fact, it was very disconcerting to me to learn about it, and I got more emotional at that point than I ever had back when it was going on. Kids dig good vibes, and I'm glad your son will be spared any unpleasant feelings, both now and down the line.

[lumberjim]

party on, perth. party on, case.

take care of jamie.

[perth]

Originally Posted by lumberjim

party on, perth.

I plan to do exactly that this weekend.

I think Case and I both would say that we like each other a lot better now that we don't live together. And I think Jamey picked up on that, because he was never really "difficult" through the whole thing. Yeah, he kind of pulls the "I want my mommy" thing when he gets mad at me (and vice-versa), but I think I would be worried if he didn't express it in some fashion. At any rate, he never gets his way when he does that. The rule is that if he asks to call the other parent and it isn't because he's mad at one of us, we jump to the phone and make the call. I think it's important that he know that either parent will always be there when he has a need. My parents played me against each other and I remember how painful it was and how much I resented them for it. I do not want that to happen to my relationship with my "mini-me".

My divorce was pretty amiable, but - damn, it still hurt! I get the occasional twinge to this very day, but life does go on and there are other loves in this world. When I was growing up my parents fought constantly and my mother would always try to get me to take her side against my Dad. I hated it and used to wish that they'd just get divorced and be done with it. There are worse things than being a child of divorced parents. One of them is being the child of two people who should have divorced and didn't. It sounds like you and Case are doing the right thing by each other and by Jamey, painful as it might sometimes be. Good luck and happier days to all three of you. The light DOES follow the dark!

[xoxoxoBruce]

Ah, wedded bliss.......we hardly knew ye.

Good luck, peace and happiness.

[Clodfobble]

The rule is that if he asks to call the other parent and it isn't because he's mad at one of us, we jump to the phone and make the call. I think it's important that he know that either parent will always be there when he has a need.

Fair warning, though I'm sure you don't need it... don't make a big deal about "I miss you" kind of stuff if/when it happens. My stepdaughter turned into quite the little manipulator because her mother thought every "I miss you" was evidence that her daughter was miserable and felt unloved. Actual conversation that took place on the phone at our house:

Stepdaughter: I miss you, Mommy.
Her mother: I miss you too, sweetie, I miss you so much--
Stepdaughter (with a coy little smile on her face): "I want you to cry, mommy."
Her mother: "...What?"
Stepdaughter: "I want you to cry because you miss me."
Her mother: "...Well, uh, I DO, I miss you a lot..."

It was really disturbing. Fortunately she grew out of that phase--now she's manipulative in much more subtle ways.

[Catwoman]

Originally Posted by marichiko

There are worse things than being a child of divorced parents. One of them is being the child of two people who should have divorced and didn't.

Absolutely. My parents had a violent relationship and divorced when I was 2 - although there was still some violence after that. Being exposed to that caused a lot of pain - it's never right to stay together 'for the children' because it's not actually doing them any good. Wise decision. And all the very best to both of you.

[wolf]

Good luck to you all.

[xoxoxoBruce]

It was really disturbing. Fortunately she grew out of that phase--now she's manipulative in much more subtle ways.

And the beat goes on.