Now What?

10-20-2005, 06:37 PM

Well, I think I'm more or less over my last relationship from hell, and I'm ready to venture out into the world again, but for the first time in my life, I'm really at a loss. I can't meet people through work, although I am back at work part time, now. YEA! But my work is from home, doing some free lance writing stuff. Meeting someone at a bar leaves me cold, and at 54, I'm too old for the bar scene, anyhow. Ditto, the online thing. It seems like any decent guy in my age group is already taken or gets snapped up in seconds of becoming available.

So what's a girl to do? I'm not looking for a knight in shining armor, but a guy who could hold up his end of a conversation would be nice. No ax murderers need apply.

Since this is such a inventive and witty group, I'm wondering if someone has any ideas for me, or should I resign myself to having Rikki Tikki Tabby be the "man" in my life?

busterb · 10-20-2005, 07:00 PM

I know where there's a dirty old man just a pineing for "ya"

lumberjim · 10-20-2005, 08:00 PM

have you considered an imaginary boyfriend?

itsjulie · 10-20-2005, 08:07 PM

marichiko - I feel the same way at 35. Where are all the nice guys? I haven't tried it, but maybe the online thing might be a good way to check out the merchandise!

Perry Winkle · 10-20-2005, 08:23 PM

A social

is me.

itsjulie · 10-20-2005, 08:50 PM

me =

itsjulie · 10-20-2005, 08:51 PM

oops, I meant

10-20-2005, 09:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by busterb

I know where there's a dirty old man just a pineing for "ya"

Hey, Busterb! Do you have PIC?

LOL! Just kidding! I'd never dream of coming between you and Sheila!

Actually, me =

slang · 10-20-2005, 11:38 PM

Yes, Mr Reclusive Single Guy sounds off.

The key is ...."numbers, numbers, numbers". The more people you meet, the more of these numbers you can disqualify, the more you disqualify systematically the less emotionally attached you get to any one single person (that isnt right) and those that are in the ballpark will start popping up here and there.

Is it worth your time and energy to totally restructure your life so as to meet more people? That's YOUR call. What's it worth finding who you might actually get along with longterm, marry, have great whoppee with, or whatever?

One must get out of their normal sphere of people to "go through the numbers". Try goofy things that you might not truly be interested. Go places that you might never go out of your own interest. Get OUT of your own little groove.

It's not fun...it's not comfortable...it's not going to get you the results you want immediately but I have confidence that it will in time.

Once you are in the habit of doing new things just to go through numbers, it will be much eaiser to meet more and you will have the confidence that once those numbers have run out that you can find others to sift through.

This is very important because then you wont be heartbroken or frantic when one in particular doesnt work out and you also wont try to "force" something to work just because it's so hard to find new candidates.

Regardless of how the "interviews" are going with any one person, continue to meet more people. You'd be surprised how often that seemingly cool person turns into the wrong person just after you've stopped meeting people and have totally lost your momentum.

For me personally, just keeping the optimism up consistently long enough to get even prilim results is difficult. You need to find something that keeps you going. Sure, as you get better with the sifting process less effort is required but it's still effort.

The entire process is not easy fun or convenient but I can tell you with great confidence that doing this has worked small miracles for me.

Who knows, you find a good someone to give you the attention that you would like and you might not be the radical Dem bombthrower that you are now

It *could* happen and I wish the best for you.

Rock Steady · 10-20-2005, 11:49 PM

Actually, one of my female friends 55yo decided to try a few of the online dating services and thinks it may work OK. She has had some online contact and phone calls, but no date yet, by her choice. It seems that some places do more screening than others and different places have different crowds.

She's had the most luck so far with eHarmony. She says it's a pain to sign up with all the questions, but that may be a good filter after all. Last we spoke she had good online conversations with one guy and a phone call is the next step.

One of the funniest things I heard was that one guy called her for the first time to discuss a possible date, and while he's talking to her, he's multitasking, typing away on his PC, with the occasional pause in the conversation. And she's thinking, this is a first conversation to impress someone? I can see why some of these super nerds can't even get dates from dating services. Basic social skills.

Undertoad · 10-21-2005, 08:07 AM

eHarmony: started by a conservative Xtian, for conservative Xtians.

Sure they screen - when I put "separated" back in the day, they said I didn't qualify, and that I should come back when the divorce is final.

Just like they say to anyone who says they are looking for a same sex relationship: go away, we are Xtians, we don't cater to heathen sinners.

So I went on Match and Spring Street and Yahoo, and Jacquelita and I got together well before the legal proceedings took their six months to work through the system. In fact I dated three women before eHarmony even said they would take my info.

Rock Steady · 10-21-2005, 01:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Undertoad

eHarmony: started by a conservative Xtian, for conservative Xtians.

I didn't know that, and I'm sure my jewish friend using eHarmony had no idea either, because we joke about Xtians often.

Quote:

Sure they screen - when I put "separated" back in the day, they said I didn't qualify, and that I should come back when the divorce is final.

Now, my friend would consider that a good thing.

Quote:

Just like they say to anyone who says they are looking for a same sex relationship: go away, we are Xtians, we don't cater to heathen sinners.

I'll have to ask her if she saw any signs of this right-wingedness; she's a retired therapist who, among other clients, served many transgendered folks. Maybe she found someone she likes at eHarmony because the few lefties gravitate towards each other.

Quote:

So I went on Match and Spring Street and Yahoo, and Jacquelita and I got together well before the legal proceedings took their six months to work through the system. In fact I dated three women before eHarmony even said they would take my info.

Sounds like you didn't need a dating service anyway, you stud.

Elspode · 10-21-2005, 01:54 PM

I like the advice I'm seeing so far. Slang's 'wheat from the chaff' theory is good, plus it gets you out and about. The online thing does in fact seem to work well for many to whom I've spoken, plus it gives you the sense that you are, in fact, making a good effort to get back in The Game.

Julie...I'm confused. Are you stoned or a gay Disco singer?

As to the answer to the question about why there aren't more good, mature men available...I'm already married. You should have looked me up when my wife and I were still poly.

10-21-2005, 03:35 PM

I get first dibs on you Patrick if, God forbid, things ever go south with you and the Mrs.

Actually, I am going to take Slang's advise and hit a club that caters to the octenganarian (sp?) set tonight where one of my fav local groups is going to be making an appearance. I'll be going there just cuz I like their music and to dance and to shake up my routine a little. Tomorrow I'm signing up for sky diving lessons!

Tonchi · 10-23-2005, 02:12 AM

Put the pets to work for you, Mari

Join a Corgi club, do obedience trials, take a class on pet care at the community college or adult ed program, or even TEACH one. Go to some place where you see people you would like to meet and walk the dog there at the same time every day. Volunteer to take the pets to a hospital for therapy visits. The possibilities are endless.

10-20-2005, 06:37 PM	#1
marichiko Guest Posts: n/a	Now What? Well, I think I'm more or less over my last relationship from hell, and I'm ready to venture out into the world again, but for the first time in my life, I'm really at a loss. I can't meet people through work, although I am back at work part time, now. YEA! But my work is from home, doing some free lance writing stuff. Meeting someone at a bar leaves me cold, and at 54, I'm too old for the bar scene, anyhow. Ditto, the online thing. It seems like any decent guy in my age group is already taken or gets snapped up in seconds of becoming available. So what's a girl to do? I'm not looking for a knight in shining armor, but a guy who could hold up his end of a conversation would be nice. No ax murderers need apply. Since this is such a inventive and witty group, I'm wondering if someone has any ideas for me, or should I resign myself to having Rikki Tikki Tabby be the "man" in my life?

10-20-2005, 07:00 PM	#2
busterb NSABFD Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: MS. usa Posts: 3,908	I know where there's a dirty old man just a pineing for "ya" __________________ I've haven't left very deep footprints in the sands of time. But, boy I've left a bunch.

10-20-2005, 08:00 PM	#3
lumberjim I can hear my ears Join Date: Oct 2003 Posts: 25,571	have you considered an imaginary boyfriend? __________________ This body holding me reminds me of my own mortality Embrace this moment, remember We are eternal, all this pain is an illusion ~MJKeenan

10-20-2005, 08:07 PM	#4
itsjulie Vice-President of Resentment Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Connecticut Posts: 190	marichiko - I feel the same way at 35. Where are all the nice guys? I haven't tried it, but maybe the online thing might be a good way to check out the merchandise! __________________ I like to know stuff!

10-20-2005, 08:50 PM	#6
itsjulie Vice-President of Resentment Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Connecticut Posts: 190	me = __________________ I like to know stuff!

10-20-2005, 08:23 PM	#5
Perry Winkle Esnohplad Semaj Ton Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: A little south of sanity Posts: 2,259	A social is me.

10-20-2005, 08:51 PM	#7
itsjulie Vice-President of Resentment Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Connecticut Posts: 190	oops, I meant __________________ I like to know stuff!

10-20-2005, 11:38 PM	#9
slang St Petersburg, Florida Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 3,423	What da......advice from slang? Yes, Mr Reclusive Single Guy sounds off. The key is ...."numbers, numbers, numbers". The more people you meet, the more of these numbers you can disqualify, the more you disqualify systematically the less emotionally attached you get to any one single person (that isnt right) and those that are in the ballpark will start popping up here and there. Is it worth your time and energy to totally restructure your life so as to meet more people? That's YOUR call. What's it worth finding who you might actually get along with longterm, marry, have great whoppee with, or whatever? One must get out of their normal sphere of people to "go through the numbers". Try goofy things that you might not truly be interested. Go places that you might never go out of your own interest. Get OUT of your own little groove. It's not fun...it's not comfortable...it's not going to get you the results you want immediately but I have confidence that it will in time. Once you are in the habit of doing new things just to go through numbers, it will be much eaiser to meet more and you will have the confidence that once those numbers have run out that you can find others to sift through. This is very important because then you wont be heartbroken or frantic when one in particular doesnt work out and you also wont try to "force" something to work just because it's so hard to find new candidates. Regardless of how the "interviews" are going with any one person, continue to meet more people. You'd be surprised how often that seemingly cool person turns into the wrong person just after you've stopped meeting people and have totally lost your momentum. For me personally, just keeping the optimism up consistently long enough to get even prilim results is difficult. You need to find something that keeps you going. Sure, as you get better with the sifting process less effort is required but it's still effort. The entire process is not easy fun or convenient but I can tell you with great confidence that doing this has worked small miracles for me. Who knows, you find a good someone to give you the attention that you would like and you might not be the radical Dem bombthrower that you are now It could happen and I wish the best for you.

10-20-2005, 11:49 PM	#10
Rock Steady Day Tripper Join Date: May 2005 Location: Silicon Valley Posts: 784	Actually, one of my female friends 55yo decided to try a few of the online dating services and thinks it may work OK. She has had some online contact and phone calls, but no date yet, by her choice. It seems that some places do more screening than others and different places have different crowds. She's had the most luck so far with eHarmony. She says it's a pain to sign up with all the questions, but that may be a good filter after all. Last we spoke she had good online conversations with one guy and a phone call is the next step. One of the funniest things I heard was that one guy called her for the first time to discuss a possible date, and while he's talking to her, he's multitasking, typing away on his PC, with the occasional pause in the conversation. And she's thinking, this is a first conversation to impress someone? I can see why some of these super nerds can't even get dates from dating services. Basic social skills. __________________

10-21-2005, 08:07 AM	#11
Undertoad Radical Centrist Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Cottage of Prussia Posts: 31,423	eHarmony: started by a conservative Xtian, for conservative Xtians. Sure they screen - when I put "separated" back in the day, they said I didn't qualify, and that I should come back when the divorce is final. Just like they say to anyone who says they are looking for a same sex relationship: go away, we are Xtians, we don't cater to heathen sinners. So I went on Match and Spring Street and Yahoo, and Jacquelita and I got together well before the legal proceedings took their six months to work through the system. In fact I dated three women before eHarmony even said they would take my info.

10-21-2005, 01:54 PM	#13
Elspode When Do I Get Virtual Unreality? Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Raytown, Missouri Posts: 12,719	I like the advice I'm seeing so far. Slang's 'wheat from the chaff' theory is good, plus it gets you out and about. The online thing does in fact seem to work well for many to whom I've spoken, plus it gives you the sense that you are, in fact, making a good effort to get back in The Game. Julie...I'm confused. Are you stoned or a gay Disco singer? As to the answer to the question about why there aren't more good, mature men available...I'm already married. You should have looked me up when my wife and I were still poly. __________________ "To those of you who are wearing ties, I think my dad would appreciate it if you took them off." - Robert Moog

10-21-2005, 03:35 PM	#14
marichiko Guest Posts: n/a	I get first dibs on you Patrick if, God forbid, things ever go south with you and the Mrs. Actually, I am going to take Slang's advise and hit a club that caters to the octenganarian (sp?) set tonight where one of my fav local groups is going to be making an appearance. I'll be going there just cuz I like their music and to dance and to shake up my routine a little. Tomorrow I'm signing up for sky diving lessons!

10-23-2005, 02:12 AM	#15
Tonchi Victim of gravity Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Hiding in plain sight Posts: 1,412	Put the pets to work for you, Mari Join a Corgi club, do obedience trials, take a class on pet care at the community college or adult ed program, or even TEACH one. Go to some place where you see people you would like to meet and walk the dog there at the same time every day. Volunteer to take the pets to a hospital for therapy visits. The possibilities are endless. __________________ Everything you've ever heard about Fresno is true.

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