Jea-lousy

[kerosene]

A slightly different perspective here: My husband and I cheer for each other's flirtedness. He might tell me "There's this new girl at work" and I might respond "Is she cute? Did you talk to her yet?" Or I might go to the gas station and come back and tell him about the cute boy I flirted with there. We both trust each other and have made it a rule not to get jealous. I know he isn't going to fall for the hot chick at work. He knows I am sticking with him, too. It works out because we have a mutual understanding about it. And we like to see each other get attention. It's like reverse jealousy.

[Madman]

Originally Posted by Brianna

What do you think of people who tell you things to MAKE you jealous and then, when you're jealous, they say, "Oh, well. Try not to think about it..."-???

He's a jerk. Maybe it makes him feel "good" when he is playing games with you (ie...he is insecure).

Originally Posted by Brianna

Like this: "Oh, here's a pic of me and this young woman who helps my mom out around the house. Mom tries to fix me up with her!" and you are his girlfriend? I mean, you THOUGHT you were his girlfriend? And he's done shite like this before? Do I overreact? Or, is he jerking me around?

I believe you answered your own question.

[lhatcher]

Originally Posted by morethanpretty

Hmmm this is a hard one for me, I accidently make my boyfriend jealous all the time. .

I beg to differ. You can make someone jealous by accident only once. Then, when you know you've made them jealous, any continuation is based on a decision to do so. When someone does something that bothers me and I tell them about it and ask them not to do it again, I may forgive 1 or 2 more but if they continue to do it they're doing in on purpose and you have to wonder why.

[footfootfoot]

Originally Posted by lhatcher

I beg to differ. You can make someone jealous by accident only once. Then, when you know you've made them jealous, any continuation is based on a decision to do so. When someone does something that bothers me and I tell them about it and ask them not to do it again, I may forgive 1 or 2 more but if they continue to do it they're doing in on purpose and you have to wonder why.

Here's another side to that story, albeit extreme and not, probably what you had in mind.
http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/SavageLove?oid=91051

No one can make you feel anything. You choose how you react to a situation.
Jealousy is based in insecurity, a lack of trust, or both. Whether it is valid or not depends on the situation.

It is never a healthy show of love. It is co-dependent.

Get it out of the relationship ASAP or you will not grow, as an individual or as a couple.

My .02.


Both my wife and I have friends of the opposite gender whom we each do things with separately, bit deal... if someone is going to cheat, they are going to cheat. There is nothing you can do about that, ever.
If you think they are going to, break-up with them or live with it. End of story.

[footfootfoot]

Agreed. Jealousy is a particularly unpleasant self created hell. It is a nice addition to the "I'm a victim" menagerie.

[morethanpretty]

Originally Posted by lhatcher

I beg to differ. You can make someone jealous by accident only once. Then, when you know you've made them jealous, any continuation is based on a decision to do so. When someone does something that bothers me and I tell them about it and ask them not to do it again, I may forgive 1 or 2 more but if they continue to do it they're doing in on purpose and you have to wonder why.

He's only volunteerly admitted to being jealous a couple of times, the other times it took me a while to figure it out and call him on it.
Different things make people jealous tho. I might tell my b/f about how one guy I know from school made me feel better, but that I wish that he had been there to comfort me instead. It might make my boy a bit jealous of the other guy but really poses no threat to him. But when I talk about a certain guy from work he has gotten jealous b/c he feels like I might have a crush on him. My b/f doesn't always tell me when I say something that makes him jealous. Plus it is harder for me to determine what will make him jealous or not, I don't have much experience with jealousy. So it is not an emotion I consider very often. I don't want to hide things from my b/f either, then I feel guilty, and I have hidden a crush I had from him before, not to keep him from getting jealous, but because I didn't want to hurt him or make him mistrusting of me. If I tell him about the guys (and sometimes girls) I hang out with and sometimes flirt with then I feel more comfortable, I'm not hiding anything that can hurt us later. He reasures me that his being jealous is a problem he has to work on, when I tell him a story I reassure him that I have no feelings/desire toward whoever, but him.

Bri-sorry to take away from your own issue, but all I can say is that you need to tell him your feelings on the subject. Be open about being jealous, he may truly have no idea and the only way to make sure is to talk about it.

Again... you cannot "make" anyone anything. It is a choice.
Neither my wife or I, nor few of our peers choose to be jealous.
We trust each other and am happy for each other's friendships, be they ladies or men.
I don't think you should consider it... if he brings it up and it becomes a problem then seek help, IMO.
It should be treated for the illness in a relationship that it is.

[Aliantha]

Jealousy will kill any relationship quicker than anything else I reckon. People are able to control their jealousy just as they can control their thoughts. If you're with someone and you don't agree with the way they interact with other people, then maybe you're in the wrong relationship...regardless of which one of you actually has the problem.

Everyone has choices. You should make the choice that makes you feel good. I don't think anyone in the right mind likes being jealous.

[footfootfoot]

Originally Posted by rkzenrage

Again... you cannot "make" anyone anything.

OH yeah. Right.You tell that to a Starbucks Barrista.

Make me a half caff half skim latte mochachina, with a double shot of some crazy crap mocha booboo neeeneer. neener.

Hey did you hear the one about the Buddhist monk who went up to the hotdog vendor and said:
"Make me one with everything?"

You love that one, you know you do.

You are a New Yorker in Florida. Have you thought of the implications of that?

I'm stealing the SHIT outta' that joke!

NO! I was the Cracker in NY, you are gonna' get on my shit list typin' crap like that.

Originally Posted by morethanpretty

Hmmm this is a hard one for me, I accidently make my boyfriend jealous all the time. I have a lot of guy friends. Perhaps it was an accident for him too...
I mention guys who hit on me, and the different things my guys say to me, to my boyfriend and its not to make him jealous or show that I have other options...I'm just telling him about my day, life, ect. There is really no reason to get jealous anyway, you either trust him around the opposite sex and if you don't you drop him. BTW he knows that the most wonderful thing anyone has ever said to me, after his "I love you", was when my HS friend Kyle told me,"You look gorgeous when you cry" I had had a bad day and that cheered me up.

Funny that post-breakup all those "guy" friends become more than friends. If I've seen it once I've seen it a thousand times. Guy friends is code talk for "guy waiting" or "guy on call" like call waiting. Being jealous of a womens guy friends is reasonable and probably well founded and knowing the game is par for the course.

Most guys know this and are "guy friends" in waiting with other girls, waiting for that rebound action. Most guys try like women to keep every door open, lest they be left out of the loop.

What I have found rather strange though is womens outrage when men confront them about their guy friends and yet go balistic when she see him even talking to another girl. Its ok for girls to have unlimited guy friends but no way for men wanting the same count in women friends.

Originally Posted by morethanpretty

He's only volunteerly admitted to being jealous a couple of times, the other times it took me a while to figure it out and call him on it.
Different things make people jealous tho. I might tell my b/f about how one guy I know from school made me feel better, but that I wish that he had been there to comfort me instead. It might make my boy a bit jealous of the other guy but really poses no threat to him. But when I talk about a certain guy from work he has gotten jealous b/c he feels like I might have a crush on him. My b/f doesn't always tell me when I say something that makes him jealous. Plus it is harder for me to determine what will make him jealous or not, I don't have much experience with jealousy. So it is not an emotion I consider very often. I don't want to hide things from my b/f either, then I feel guilty, and I have hidden a crush I had from him before, not to keep him from getting jealous, but because I didn't want to hurt him or make him mistrusting of me. If I tell him about the guys (and sometimes girls) I hang out with and sometimes flirt with then I feel more comfortable, I'm not hiding anything that can hurt us later. He reasures me that his being jealous is a problem he has to work on, when I tell him a story I reassure him that I have no feelings/desire toward whoever, but him.

Bri-sorry to take away from your own issue, but all I can say is that you need to tell him your feelings on the subject. Be open about being jealous, he may truly have no idea and the only way to make sure is to talk about it.

You know I've tried my damn-nist to befriend women. Unless we where working on the same project or had to deal with each other through work or school there was always, ALWAYS, sexual tension if there was even a shade of physical attraction. Hell even if it was at work or school the same problem occured.

You know, you know, you know it could "happen." Given the right circumstances and situation. I think its just biological. I think everyone of us, being honest with ourselves knows friends of the opposite sex are more likely than not to be future partners and thats the rub. Thats why men and women are suspicious, because they can both hear the biological backround music. Its probably the way you meet your current partner so why shouldn't he/she be jealous when that same senario is being played out with the guy/gal friends.

Originally Posted by case

A slightly different perspective here: My husband and I cheer for each other's flirtedness. He might tell me "There's this new girl at work" and I might respond "Is she cute? Did you talk to her yet?" Or I might go to the gas station and come back and tell him about the cute boy I flirted with there. We both trust each other and have made it a rule not to get jealous. I know he isn't going to fall for the hot chick at work. He knows I am sticking with him, too. It works out because we have a mutual understanding about it. And we like to see each other get attention. It's like reverse jealousy.

Sounds more like you both need reaffirmation. Both of you display a insecurity about each other and yourselves.

When one of you find the BBD (bigger, better, deal) that’s will be the end of the flirting.

Originally Posted by bmwmcaw

Funny that post-breakup all those "guy" friends become more than friends. If I've seen it once I've seen it a thousand times. Guy friends is code talk for "guy waiting" or "guy on call" like call waiting. Being jealous of a womens guy friends is reasonable and probably well founded and knowing the game is par for the course.

Most guys know this and are "guy friends" in waiting with other girls, waiting for that rebound action. Most guys try like women to keep every door open, lest they be left out of the loop.

What I have found rather strange though is womens outrage when men confront them about their guy friends and yet go balistic when she see him even talking to another girl. Its ok for girls to have unlimited guy friends but no way for men wanting the same count in women friends.

Good lord it sounds like you lead a miserable life.
Everything is not a fucking game.