The 24 hour engagement. - Page 16

disenchanted · 05-31-2009, 07:19 PM

The big question for me right now is "So how long would you have me waiting around to see when you're ready to even talk?"

Whether I'm suffering the loss of my life or dodged a bullet is a function that takes the answer to that question as an input.

classicman · 05-31-2009, 07:24 PM

The answer to that question has been answered repeatedly. Let it go let, cut her loose and move on. There is no point in waiting for her for one more second, she has answered you already.

capnhowdy · 05-31-2009, 07:30 PM

I think you are addicted to her, Dis. Having withdrawals maybe? Just saying.

Pie · 05-31-2009, 08:28 PM

I did once have a guy come back and give me the "good reason" four years after he dumped me... Turns out he was gay. Who knew??

monster · 05-31-2009, 08:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by disenchanted

The big question for me right now is "So how long would you have me waiting around to see when you're ready to even talk?".

Would you also ask "how tight do you need to squeeze the vice on my balls before you're ready to let me go?" or would you just take the vice off yourself and walk away.

you don't need to know how much she intends to torture you -she's already done enough to demonstrate that you're dodging a bullet.

I think Pie's right. she's gay.

disenchanted · 05-31-2009, 09:09 PM

I don't have the distance from this to be able to see whether or not it's as cut and dried as the popular sentiment would suggest.

But I also know that I spent a lot of time getting to the point that I was. There was a lot of thought behind the idea of "Am I ready to commit myself to this person for life?"

So right now, I'm faced with the question of "Do I move on?" (even knowing that "moving on" doesn't mean "go find a new relationship tomorrow") I'm grappling with the disconnect of "I was ready to give her my life to share. My whole stupid life. What's that mean if two weeks later I'm to walk away from the whole thing?"

I guess for my own satisfaction, I might need to be a torch-bearer for a bit, even if it doesn't amount to anything but prolonging my being screwed up.

Clodfobble · 05-31-2009, 09:51 PM

I think you are doing an excellent job of staying as level-headed and objective as you can, dis.

classicman · 05-31-2009, 09:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by disenchanted

I'm grappling with the disconnect of "I was ready to give her my life to share. My whole stupid life. What's that mean if two weeks later I'm to walk away from the whole thing?"

Its not that you are walking away - she is, or rather she has.

BigV · 05-31-2009, 11:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Clodfobble

I think you are doing an excellent job of staying as level-headed and objective as you can, dis.

I agree completely.

Pie · 05-31-2009, 11:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by monster

I think Pie's right. she's gay.

D'oh!

xoxoxoBruce · 05-31-2009, 11:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by disenchanted

I'm grappling with the disconnect of "I was ready to give her my life to share. My whole stupid life. What's that mean if two weeks later I'm to walk away from the whole thing?"

It means you had not completed the vetting process. Like a lab experiment or building a house, expectations rise as you get closer to the end, but nothing is certain until it's completed. It doesn't make you a failure just because it didn't work out.

limey · 06-01-2009, 04:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Clodfobble

I think you are doing an excellent job of staying as level-headed and objective as you can, dis.

Quote:

Originally Posted by classicman

Its not that you are walking away - she is, or rather she has.

Quote:

Originally Posted by xoxoxoBruce

It means you had not completed the vetting process. Like a lab experiment or building a house, expectations rise as you get closer to the end, but nothing is certain until it's completed. It doesn't make you a failure just because it didn't work out.

I agree with these people. Good luck, disenchanted. You seem to me to be a really great guy - I hope you will find a really great woman to share your life with, when you're ready.

classicman · 06-01-2009, 08:41 AM

Oh and if you have some pent up aggression or whatever.... just visit the politics forum.

Aliantha · 06-01-2009, 05:35 PM

Dis, have you found posting your thoughts here helpful at all? On an intrapersonal level if not that you've had some pretty good advice.

disenchanted · 06-01-2009, 09:20 PM

aliantha: Most of the advice seems pretty geared toward the negative. It's over. She's probably found some other guy. There's no way to solve this. Go find someone else. Oh, and from earlier in the thread, I'm probably as bad as she thinks I am, if not worse.

Doesn't seem like there's much hope in this crowd, and maybe it's because I still want to hang on to a little of that but don't have the distance to see it. Or, maybe there's a lot of people here that have their own scars...

I guess it's just giving me a chance to work out the daily nonsense without burning out any one person. Crowd therapy.

05-31-2009, 07:24 PM	#227
classicman barely disguised asshole, keeper of all that is holy. Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 23,401	The answer to that question has been answered repeatedly. Let it go let, cut her loose and move on. There is no point in waiting for her for one more second, she has answered you already. __________________ "like strapping a pillow on a bull in a china shop" Bullitt

05-31-2009, 07:30 PM	#228
capnhowdy Blatantly Homosapien Join Date: Mar 2004 Posts: 6,200	I think you are addicted to her, Dis. Having withdrawals maybe? Just saying. __________________ Please type slowly. I can't read very fast............... and no holy water, please.

05-31-2009, 08:28 PM	#229
Pie Gone and done Join Date: Sep 2001 Posts: 4,808	I did once have a guy come back and give me the "good reason" four years after he dumped me... Turns out he was gay. Who knew?? __________________ per·son \ˈpər-sən\ (noun) - an ephemeral collection of small, irrational decisions The fun thing about evolution (and science in general) is that it happens whether you believe in it or not.

05-31-2009, 09:51 PM	#232
Clodfobble UNDER CONDITIONAL MITIGATION Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Austin, TX Posts: 20,012	I think you are doing an excellent job of staying as level-headed and objective as you can, dis. __________________ My book My other book My spirit animal

06-01-2009, 08:41 AM	#238
classicman barely disguised asshole, keeper of all that is holy. Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 23,401	Oh and if you have some pent up aggression or whatever.... just visit the politics forum. __________________ "like strapping a pillow on a bull in a china shop" Bullitt

05-31-2009, 07:19 PM	#226
disenchanted Resident President Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 81	The big question for me right now is "So how long would you have me waiting around to see when you're ready to even talk?" Whether I'm suffering the loss of my life or dodged a bullet is a function that takes the answer to that question as an input.

05-31-2009, 09:09 PM	#231
disenchanted Resident President Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 81	I don't have the distance from this to be able to see whether or not it's as cut and dried as the popular sentiment would suggest. But I also know that I spent a lot of time getting to the point that I was. There was a lot of thought behind the idea of "Am I ready to commit myself to this person for life?" So right now, I'm faced with the question of "Do I move on?" (even knowing that "moving on" doesn't mean "go find a new relationship tomorrow") I'm grappling with the disconnect of "I was ready to give her my life to share. My whole stupid life. What's that mean if two weeks later I'm to walk away from the whole thing?" I guess for my own satisfaction, I might need to be a torch-bearer for a bit, even if it doesn't amount to anything but prolonging my being screwed up.

06-01-2009, 05:35 PM	#239
Aliantha trying hard to be a better person Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Brisbane, Australia Posts: 16,493	Dis, have you found posting your thoughts here helpful at all? On an intrapersonal level if not that you've had some pretty good advice. __________________ Kind words are the music of the world. F. W. Faber

06-01-2009, 09:20 PM	#240
disenchanted Resident President Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 81	aliantha: Most of the advice seems pretty geared toward the negative. It's over. She's probably found some other guy. There's no way to solve this. Go find someone else. Oh, and from earlier in the thread, I'm probably as bad as she thinks I am, if not worse. Doesn't seem like there's much hope in this crowd, and maybe it's because I still want to hang on to a little of that but don't have the distance to see it. Or, maybe there's a lot of people here that have their own scars... I guess it's just giving me a chance to work out the daily nonsense without burning out any one person. Crowd therapy.

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