Ask the Transperson

[Pamela]

Originally Posted by slang

That makes sense and I'll surely remember that.

I am honestly uncomfortable with some transpersons and catch myself staring at them. If they are older or self confident they might smile to break my stare to which I'll smile back and make a little friendly small talk as if to say "oops, sorry about that".

Please don't stare at us.. We get self-conscious easily.

Why are you uncomfortable with some but not all?

Is it that they are less "passable" and you start thinking "man in a dress" rather than a late-blooming woman trying to overcome a medical handicap and discover her true self?

The smart ones will smile at you to let you know that they are aware of you. The ones who may be coming out for the first time in public may react by running away (we overreact a LOT in the beginning stages)

Remember, our new hormones are necessarily more powerful than the ones natal females get, resulting in a second puberty with all the attendant drama PLUS the difficulty of trying to shed the stigma and social disapproval. I have literally talked more than one of my sisters out of a closet or out from under a bed because of situations like that.

"reading" or "clocking" us is not difficult sometimes, but please do not advertise it. The etiquette is to pretend that you don't know, even if you do. And never NEVER out someone. Just because YOU know they are trans does not mean that everyone does and pointing it out in any way can and has placed them in danger. You handle it almost correctly. Simply smile and make small talk as if nothing was out of the ordinary.

She will appreciate you for it.

Love

Pamela

[Griff]

Originally Posted by Pamela

"reading" or "clocking" us is not difficult sometimes, but please do not advertise it. The etiquette is to pretend that you don't know, even if you do. And never NEVER out someone. Just because YOU know they are trans does not mean that everyone does and pointing it out in any way can and has placed them in danger. You handle it almost correctly. Simply smile and make small talk as if nothing was out of the ordinary.

Pamela, this has been a great thread, thank you so much for the insight. I'm very sorry about your family falling apart, hopefully you can organize your life the way you need it to be. I'm glad you're part of our community. G